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First post of 2019. God, I just want to come on here and say, "Everything's great! New Year, New situation!" I feel like nothing but a downer, a buzz kill, depressing. I wish I were lying, I wish I was making all this up. Me and mom started the year sick and 3 days in and my mom woke me up because something was wrong with her dog. We think she may have had a stroke. She had a cough for a while now but we didn't know what it was and haven't been able to take her. We don't know if it's heart related or trachea or what it is.
I mean, my brother's book has, finally, hit the shelves(although, it technically did last month)but we all got into it again. Arguing about the animals, like normal. So stupid, he doesn't even live here anymore. And of course, he pulls out the daggers with his words, so we're not really talking right now.
Idk I'm so ******** over all this. I'm tired of loss, tired of sickness, tired of being constantly needed, tired of the stress and worries, tired or fighting and tired of the attacks and tired being looked down upon and treated like I'm stupid.
I mean, I'm not here saying I'm the smartest person in the world but I'm not dumb. That's the s**t that gets under my skin. I have a question I research it, I mean really research it. Sometimes, I spend hours upon hours learning about 1 thing. No, I don't know everything. I'd be the first to tell you that, but there's a decent amount(from the immense amount of knowledge the world has to offer) that I do know. Yes, I may be on the quieter side with some people or new people but ugh! The people that have treated me like that, knew/know me.

I want so badly for my situation to change but I'm also too freakin tired. Especially, with this cold and trying to help mom and her dog... I'm not running on E, I'm running beyond E! I haven't been getting the greatest sleep either lately, which has been fun. *sarcastic*

My mom asked me today, again, what she's done to deserve all she's been through and is going through. I have no words because I don't understand it either, but I don't think it works like that. My heart just breaks for her, I have no comforting words because I don't know why all this is happening and I'm hurt and angry about it too.

With all that's been going on, I haven't had a chance to finish the Christmas tree shelf though. I'm wanting to take good pics of it soon here.