Life is a hell of a thing. I was watching Avril Lavigne's new music video and it was so good. I found out she has been battling lyme disease, that's actually why she quit music back then. She became bed ridden. So, I started doing research on lyme disease and holy freak... I, for real, think I may have it. I got bit by a tick about June 2016 but never developed a target rash. Come to find out, you can get lyme disease without developing a rash. I've also got bitten by a few as a kid but it's possible that it's just the 2016 incident. The deer ticks are known to be in the area I was. By November-December 2016 I started really feeling sick and, honestly, I started feeling like I was slowly dying. Avril Lavigne said she thought she was dying. I thought that was a crazy choice of words. By February 2017 I was getting so dizzy and heart and lungs feeling so weird that I almost passed out in the store twice, in one outing. My Dr didn't believe me, she told me it was just anxiety. But omg this is starting to make so much sense!! If the lyme bacteria gets to your heart, it can cause a cardiac issue called heart block. It blocks the signal to the lower chambers of your heart causing it to beat slower. So much matches up. Feeling sick, debilitating fatigue, muscle/joint pain, nausea, abdominal pain, chest pain, shortness of breath, dizziness, slower heart beat, heightened allergic sensitivity, increased food intolerances, sensitivity to chlorine and perfume and chemicals. Sore glands, diminished exercise intolerance. It can cause psychiatric issues that may or may not be related. Forgetfulness, difficulty reading or concentrating, it's gotten so insanely worse over the past 2 years. A lot of different neurological pains. Tremors or unexplained shaking. I actually had to stop my paint by numbers because my hands kept uncontrollably shaking, the few times I tried to get back into it. Flu like symptoms. This is all new stuff within the past 2 years that are symptoms of lyme disease.
Now, people can have it years without knowing it, so if I could have had this long term and it just got worse after the last bite, it could explain these: Night sweats, heart palpitations, it can even cause a heart murmur. Unexplained menstrual pain and extreme pms. They questioned if I had endometriosis because of extremely painful cramps and things like that. What if they were wrong? Sensitivity to light(which may just be because I have blue eyes) but I get migraines in the sun. Eye pain, pain in ears, those two may be unrelated though. Idk. So much makes sense though, it's just mind blowing and the fact that the tick bite lines up with the timeline... I don't think that's a coincidence. I really don't.
A know I've written a lot already but in other notes, we had my grandma's funeral Saturday. It was actually nice and not depressing, like Ash's. She was beautiful but it just looked like she was sleeping though. Still so unreal. My brother got up and talked and it was so embarrassing. He was mostly just taking about himself. -_-" So tacky but, of course, he didn't prepare and he was high.
Food stamps is also being a pain. We told them we have no car, no money right now and yet they expect me to go to do a job training thing through them or I disqualified for food stamps. Like dude.... How? Plus, my step mom is getting me into what she's doing, she's a SeneGence/LipSense distributor. I can do that completely from home. I can't do that and do the work training crap for food stamps 20 hours a week, even when we get gram's life insurance. The downside is we haven't gotten the life insurance yet. We haven't been able to pay rent(thankfully, they understand and are being so nice about it). Electric and internet is going to be due soon. Ugh! So stressful. I'm just trusting God though. I know He's never left or forsaken us yet, and I don't believe He will. I have a good feeling about this business. We'll see.
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