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Sometimes I look in the mirror or just talk to myself... if it's in the mirror I get this kind of disdainful sneer... and I say," You got what you wanted didn't you? You got every damn thing. You asked for it and you got it. So, why do you keep asking for more?"

And another sadder, quieter "me" answers,"Because it's not the way I imagined... this isn't what I wanted. I don't want this. This causes suffering... and not just for me."

I say,"Yeah? So? This is what you wanted. You know that. You know I'm right. This is what you asked for. You disgust me. You asked for something disgusting. Now you have it. Clean up your own mess for once."

And now the catch in all of this... the thing that keeps it from being recognizably my fault.... "But I never actively did anything to make this a reality. I never even uttered the wish out loud or wrote it down. It's not my fault"

"But you still wished for it, thought about it. So, you should, at least, take part of the blame."

"For what? I didn't make anything happen."

"You don't know that. You're pathetic, saying it isn't your fault... so you won't have to take the blame or clean up. So you can avoid the guilt."

Do you believe that people can change the "fabric" of reality just by wishing for something? Sometimes I think it's true, sometimes I don't. I don't really know. Honestly, pretty much all the time it doesn't really bug me. But, then again, there are moments when I have that conversation with myself. Is this what happens when people find something that's so strangely close to what they imagined or wished for that it seems like they created it out of their imaginations? I suppose it would depend on what one wished for as much as anything else. You can't exactly guilt trip yourself about wishing that your neighbor would mow their lawn every weekend at a normal time. Ah, well. C'est la vie. Or is it?


Japanese for the day:

Tenshi
angel

Oni
demon