the time reads 10:11 p.m.
and i want to die.
there is a fog outside not made by nature
and sparks are flying but that's not where
my eyes are looking.
i'm looking at the tally marks etched into my wall
the final grains of sand falling to the bottom of the hourglass
the once bright light fading into a dull afterglow.
i'm watching as i slip farther out of reach
as the blade gets closer to my neck
my reflection a smudged mess and my body a trembling
corpse.
my foot aches and the alarm rings in my head
i think of all the times it almost happened
all the attempts i thought i could overcome
and how much i loathe myself for surviving.
and maybe this is the final straw
the final pebble loose in my shoe that makes me fall
maybe this was something i could never prevent
only postpone
and maybe this is the last time i'll be able to
blink tears away.
i think of all the hurdles i've gone through
all the storms i've managed to hide from
and maybe at one point i thought these made me stronger
but maybe they were all just chiseling away
at my moral resolve.
my room still brings me comfort
my stuffed toys still make me smile
but there's too much smog in my vision
there's too much i can't take back now.
i never thought i'd even make it this far
so that has to count for something.
my song starts to quiet
my heart starts to slow
and everything i once was afraid of
suddenly doesn't matter anymore.
faggulicious Community Member 
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