the only memory i have of you
is a dull ache where my heart beats against my neck
and a fading mark from where you tried to love me.
(how cruel is it that the closest i got you
is a memory only you can curl into
and yet for me it's a sensation i chase
into the shadows.)
-
perhaps i was wrong and perhaps my flower bloomed
maybe it had bright pedals and attracted insects
that would pollinate it and tell it how sweet it smelled.
maybe my flower was too zealous
and in its anticipation for the sun
burned itself out.
(some insects still come around
with hopeful buzzing and calming whistles
but my flower is too tired to listen.)
-
instead of holding you close to me
using your warmth as a dreamcatcher
to chase away my nightmares
i hold onto your sweater
i count the threads
like they're how many steps it will take
to reach you.
(at some point i'll have to give it back
i'll have to wash it
wash away the smell of you
and the pathetic sobs it held.)
-
we regard each other in a soft light
that seems to drape over us with heightend intensity
and where i'm desperately trying to pull it down
you keep cutting through it
leaving me to collect the pieces.
(it will never wrap itself around us
it will always flutter helplessly to the floor
and i will always be left curled in the scraps
wondering where i went wrong.)
faggulicious Community Member 
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