First, I have to admit that I have very few childhood memories. The best way I can find to access my memories is to look at it like a TV show. I picture the star as a little girl and see what happens to her. I know I'm the little girl, but by making myself a 3rd person I can replay the memories a bit better -- without any of the emotions I feel and felt getting in the way.
So, I see a young child in a pretty dress. Or just clean clothes, I'm not sure which. But the clothes are clean and the little girl knows they have to stay clean or she's in trouble. She's watching the other kids play on the playground things in the little park behind the house. She really can't play with the other kids because she'd get dirty. And since she can't play with them, they don't really talk to her either. So she just stands and watches and watches.
In another memory, one which just came to me, I see a chubby little girl in pink tights and a black ballet suit. Her ballet shoes are black. She gets dropped off at the front door of the main gymnasium at the local college. It smells like chlorine because there's a pool in the building. On the 3rd floor there's a dance studio. There is a man who teaches ballet lessons. The little girl takes part, but not because she wants to be there. She does everything she's told, but she wants to be outside playing and just being a child. After class she goes downstairs and her dad is waiting in the car to pick her up. He's mad because he had to wait. She was taking too long, as usual. She sits quietly, knowing that if she says anything, he'll just start all over again.
I don't really have good memories -- meaning ones I can really remember -- of my childhood. But as I spend more time trying to remember things I am getting more of my memoires back. I don't know why I can't remember or why suddenly I'm able to bring some of these thoughts back, but I am so I'm not going to complain about it.
Mittxe Community Member 
|
|
