Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I felt the urge to write this a few nights ago. I just copied and pasted it, basically (from the original on my computer).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


And so our words pierce the mind like knives into flesh. We bleed our feelings into these intangible weapons that they may convey them to our target and that that target may feel as we do. But the blades of words are often dulled in transference and often we sense this. And we stab over and over and over. Leaving deep, ragged gashes in the psyche, tearing away at the spirit in our attempt to get through. We aim for the heart as best we can, but sometimes that aim is skewed by remorse and even logic. The mind constantly works against itself. Hurting itself, hurting others. Preventing damage to that we wish to inflict. And so we struggle on, slashing and hacking our way through the forest of our own feelings as much as those of the other. We scream our hearts out in the hopes that they will reach the other. But do they? I don't know.

We speak words of hate, hoping that they will find their mark. The more force, we believe, the more likelihood of accuracy. And so we become monsters in our search for understanding. Bloodstained beasts, forever howling at the moon.

We dance away from words of supplication and apology. Driven to fight on by the feeling that we are not understood, that we are being told what we want to hear with no honesty behind it. We feel the inexorable feeing that if we were to stop fighting, nothing of ourselves would remain, that the lack of action would cause us to fade away. We reject the comforting thoughts and words offered to us because belief would be foolish, we think. Relenting is weakness. Relenting means letting the other go without payment.

And so, we fight on until there's nothing left. One hand dealing supplication and remorse, the other dealing pain and hate. Both hands are true to the originator, but both are at such odds, that anyone would think they were false masks. We cannot stop, we can only slash and cut away to the very end.

We search for proof that our words are felt. Proof that the words of the other are true. Tangible proof for something that is intangible. Can we ever truly find what we want? In a world where words are everything, even actions... can we truly find what we look for? We want proof that our dire accusations are unfounded and untrue. If we tore with the bare hands of our minds at the tangling feelings and doubts that ensnare us, would we someday clasp hands with another? Or would we tear forever, always being caught in more and more vines as we're dragged to the bottom of our mind's world. What would happen if one were to remain still? Look out at the world without reaching through the vines? Would one find a way to get through easily, or would one see that the exit is forever blocked?

The knight has fled from the burning castle, leaving the crazed lady, burning and mad within it. There is no hope from that source. But there is always an option. Always. One must simply have the presence of mind and guts to go after it.

Life isn't for the weak to live. We move forward with all our energy. "Forever" and "Eternity" are only meaningful to humans because our lives are so short. So, live. Burn brightly and push forward, never looking back. Make choices you'll be proud of. Live true to your self. Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes, but remember to go after what you truly want. Don't let doubts slow you as you speed towards the end. Your life is what you believe it to be. No more. And no less. People can change themselves if they wish to, but a halfassed change will always be revealed in the end. Fallacies are made to be revealed at the cost of their creators.

Become someone who doesn't say "I would if I could" and "I wish I were". Become someone who says "I will and I can" and "I am". Become someone you're proud to be. Words like "I would if I could" simply mean "I've given up without trying" most of the time. If you really want to do something, then what's stopping you? You have a brain and most likely all your limbs, get up and use them. Humans are amazing, they can do anything they want to if they want to bad enough.

It takes more strength to live true to oneself and with presence of thought than it does to go mad or assume the mask you believe others wish to see.

And we dance. The blade of our words whirling around us... blocking, stabbing... searching for a way to wound or to protect. We dance frantically, like caged birds searching for the sky. The moment we stop is the moment we lose everything. Sometimes it's hurt others or be hurt, yourself. Sometimes you trample others because you are hurting yourself. Sometimes you hurt... to protect your own weakness. Is it right? Who knows.

If words of hate and anger are knives... then what are words of love? They are bandages, covering and protecting our soft spots. Making us feel safe and warm. If doubts and anger are vines, then are feelings of love and happiness patches of clear sky? But words of love are no good without actions to back them up. One can bandage a wound all one likes, but if the wound is not cleaned and is left to fester, the bandages only do more damage in the end. Something covered and left to rot is more dangerous than something left gaping in the open sometimes. Words like those, with no actions are nothing but a false sky. And more damaging, frequently, than words of outright hate. Are they?

Why is it that words of hate can inflict damage without the need for actions, while words of love require action to be really felt and believed? Human nature dictates that we focus more on the negative, in our heart of hearts. And so we do.

Love and hate are very similar. Both are bound to passion. Both true emotions take time to develop. But, while love can turn into hate easily, hate cannot turn into love quite so fluidly. And so we must ask ourselves... what are we, really?

Strength can be born from weakness and weakness from strength. Is it stronger to hold on or let go? Common sense says that holding on takes more strength, but what if holding is out of a fear to find out what happens if one lets go? Sometimes it takes more strength to let go.