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It's my 17th birthday today. I suppose next year is the big year... I'll be able to vote and one of my friends has said she'll make a p***s shaped cake.



1. Tickets to a chosen but undisclosed location (message me for details) *****
2. An army of aquarium Japanese Marimo **
3. Nice food for my birthday dinners (b/c I have two homes) *
4. For the people around me to live longer than I do *****
5. To receive or give a koala hug (see below pictures) ***
6. To be happy and to be loved *****
7. To have a relatively easy life (this one will not come true) ***
8. Avi art **

I suppose I should do a reflection over the past year. What can I say? I've been alive 77 cat years and I'm still young. I think age really is better gauged by the amount of life experience a person has had. I've said it before, but a person who's lived a long time but hasn't gone through much isn't really as old as a person who is younger but has lived and learned.

Well... I earned the nickname "Lady Wisdom" from my Literature teacher. This is more for my prowess at literary analysis and ability to pay attention than anything else. People have told me that I'm wise for my age, though. Which is cool. I think it's more that I'm on the cynical side of realism than the romantic side of realism. I am a cynic. And I like it.

I like my personality, really. I know I have flaws and that I can come across as weird or disturbing at times, but I like it. I don't mind being weird ~ it adds interest. People seem to like me, anyway. This year I found out that someone such as myself is capable of loving and being loved. This makes me happy. But at the same time, it was easier back when I couldn't feel things. I guess you could say love hurts. And lately it's been hurting more than giving joy. I'm hoping that we'll move past that, though.

That's something else I've learned. I have trouble giving up on things. I'll think that I can't keep on fighting, that I'm losing strength and the will to fight. And then I'll keep right on fighting. I just can't seem to give up, even though I know that the more I struggle the more I'll hurt in the end. I'm stupid like that. I'm kind of hoping that all of this pain and struggling will pay off somehow. At least I'll probably become stronger through all of this.

Isn't not being able to accept defeat a sort of weakness in itself? I mean, it means that one isn't able to accept that they've lost ~ they can't face that. I think that's part of what drives me to keep fighting as well.

I'm pretty good at self analysis. It's because I have a split perception of most things. Like, different sides of me will attach to different sides of the issue and analyze and argue for or against them. It's not just as simple as "heart" and "mind" ~ there are many different facets to those basic sides.

I've noticed that I can't help but get attached to people. Even though those attachments sometimes cause a lot of pain. I guess, the people I'm surrounded by are nice to be with and I'm happy being with them a lot of the time. But at the same time, the deeper the attachment the deeper the pain if something happens. I always knew that ~ I used to tell myself "don't get attached, it'll only cause you pain" but I'd get close to someone anyway.


Japanese for the day:

Mame wa jyuunana sai desu
The Bean is 17 years old.