|
|
|
You ever get the feeling your stuck in a time bomb and it's only a matter of time before it blows up? Well, that's where I am right now, in a time bomb. For those who don't know, or just plain out don't know me, I live with my aunt, but on the weekends I'm stuck in a nightmare because I'm doomed to be with my father.
Last November my mother died and I was thrown from my little security bubble that I put myself in, and into the outside world with more than just petty school problems. For awhile I just felt numb but then my aunt, who I had moved in which, got a letter from the court stating that my father, whom my mother and I had had a PFA(protection From Abuse order) on was fighting for custody for me.
Out went the numb feeling and in came the fighting feeling. I was now fighting for my own life because being with my father ment I would lose everything I gained with him gone, closer family, friends, even that little bit of security I had left.
I soon learned, however, the court doesn't really care what you think when your a minor. Despite the fact that I am intelligent, have good grades, and am very aware of things that go on around me the court found me no more than a child who, as my father blacken their minds with such an idea, was "brain washed". Well I hate to break it to them but someone who witnessed their father beat their mother and hates him is not brain washer, they just know they want to get FAR away from those memories and him, himself.
I was soon sentenced to visit my father on the weekends. Out went the fighting feeling and in the trapped feeling. All I knew was I HAD to get away, but I wasn't going to act on it when I could simply barricade my door.
The sencond weekend I had to stay over, however, didn't go as planned. He had taken the door out of my room, which I had pushed against the door to keep him out. I tried to grab it but he took it from me, pushed me, and said "I'm going to kill you". What was I suspose to do? Wait there and die? Hell no!
I took off through the door, going at a speed I had never known I could get to. I ran down the hill in the back yard, my father's house is in the country, and down into the woods at the bottom.
I tripped a few times into the mud, but I took off through the trees none the less.
I still remember the freezing rain the most, pouring down on me and chilling me who had nothing on but a t-shirt and jeans with a short sleeved, hooded jacket.
I ran as far as I could until I reached a place that I thought I could rest after knowing I wasn't being followed. I knew there were wild animals around so I started to work on a defence first. I had nothing with me so I found a sharp rock in the creek and a long stick. I felt sort of primitive when I began working on a spear for the night.
I finished and then started to look for shelter. I was scared to climb a tree in case my father would come looking and see me, also for the fact that if a preditor came and could climb I wouldn't have anywhere else to go. I finally settled on this thorn area. It was perfeactly shaped so I could just fit in and no animal could get in after me.
I stayed there awhile but the rain had gotten heavier and night was falling. I knew if I stayed out in the woods I fould have froze to death.
I thought of a plan and then got up. I left my spear behind and then began to walk through the thorns. I got myself tangled a lot, and at one point it felt like the forest was trying to hold onto me because I couldn't get through, but in the end I got out and I began to walk along the road and down to this one store I knew.
Everytime a car passed Id get sick because I would think it was my father. I must have been a sight though, hood up and all covered in mud. I probably looked like a zombie, and it didn't help that I was completly drained from the distance I had covered.
I reached the store and asked to call the police after explaining the situation. It wasn't long before the police came either.
Still, as it turned out, they, the court, wouldn't let me go back with my aunt over the weekend. They gave me two choices. 1. Go back with my father or 2. Go to foster care for the weekend until the court date. I chose 2 and that was a hell of a weekend.
When I arrived at court they totally dismissed what my father had said. I couldn't believe it! Here I was, scared to dealth, and they had decided to resume the normal court order. I could go back with my aunt, but Id have to be with my father on the weekends.
Weekends passed, hell had suddenly become a regular part of my life, and now here I am.
This Tuesday, I will go for a court hearing to see if my father will get full custody. If that should happen my life is over. I will lose all contact with my family, friends, and even online because of my father. And if that should happen I will run away for good, no police, no where to go, but I will run. My life will already be over so what's the worse that can happen? Me dead? I'll admit, im not afraid of death, but I don't want to die because of my family and friends that will be left behind. I have yet to find my actually purpose yet in life and if this happens I guess I will never find it. All I can do is pray that the court will not place me with my father.
But just in case this should happen: To my family(my real family not that a** known as my father) and to my friends (both online and in real life) I will miss you all and think about you everyday. Just don't worry I will be ok.
-Star
 Star_Freeheart · Sat Apr 26, 2008 @ 05:25pm · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
