My Quote:"I have always lived in the rain, so to awake to the sun shining gives me new hope, that somehow God is looking down on me and saying everything is going to be okay."
Looking back the past few years, I can't help but wonder if anything could have been prevented or anything could have been changed. Over the years I spent in foster care, before I reached my now perminent home, I went on a journey of shelf discovery. I had no clue who I'd be when I woke from my transformation but now I can see. I'm still the same person, but what I have always veiwed as my mask is almost completly gone.
For a long time, my true wish was to be strong. I thought that if I trained myself to never cry and to always hold back my emotion then I would never get hurt. My showing emotion I felt I would be giving my enemies an opening, so by sealing my emotions away I couldn't be hurt. The end resualt, as some of you may have witnessed either through my writing or attitude wasn't pretty. I was always angry, either with myself or those around me. I withdrew and spoke very little. It was like I was locked away in a shell and nothing could pry me out. However, as I learned over time, God always seems to find a way back into the life of those who need him.
I began to read the bible and actually came to refear to my time in foster care as my time in the desert. For, just as God took his people into the desert so that they could rely only on him, he placed me with people so that I had no other choice but to reply on him as well. And I prayed. I really prayed a lot. My only problem was, I was praying for the wrong thing. To go back "home" wasn't what God intended for my life. If I went home, I don't think I'd be where I'm at today. I'd have no one who could really care for me, and I'd still be in my shell.
It's ironic the way things work out in the end, no matter where the end might be. By bringing me into the life of my parents (and yes I mean my foster family) God has blessed me in more ways then I can ever begin to express. And one day, I truly hope I can repay them for what they have done for me as well as do the same for another person in need.
-Star
 Star_Freeheart · Wed Jan 20, 2010 @ 05:54pm · 0 Comments |
