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How To Save A Life-Complications of Star's Life |
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Sometime I wonder why it's so hard for others to open up. I'm finding that now with many of my friends in school. Worse yet feel like a woman whose head is below water and gasping for air, I'm praying but I'm giving myself self doubt, or at least, I have been.
Today a woman I know at my church came up to me and reminded me that even though I may not see change in the people I speak with, God is still working on their hearts. I wonder now how I could forget such a thing. I mean, I remember back when I first got into foster care I was so sure that I was right about everything. My dad was evil, my life was practically hell, and I only had one shot to get myself out of my situation. I wouldn't let anyone else help me: human or God himself. But I was wrong. Even though I didn't see his work, I later saw that things weren't quite as I saw them. Okay, my dad is still an idiot, but I'm trying my best to forgive him. I've started e-mailing him and it's a little strange because I never pictured him as human.
Through out my experience I've realized that we all have some things we have to deal with. Some dark figure in our closet or some baggage, but hey, we're human and we're not perfect. By seeing through the eyes of others we gain wisdom and see that not all is what we originally thought we saw.
Okay, you’re probably saying "Star, your getting off topic." but, I swear, this is part of what I wanted to say. And currently I'm hitting two complications (as my title sort of suggests).
1.I'm not sure people are going to listen to me.
Think about it, most teenagers (and I'll admit I'm one of them) are completely stubborn. We see only what we want to see and nothing else. So it's hard to get others to see something through a new perspective. I'm going through that right now. A friend of mine had a bad experience with a friendship that ultimately ended with her having no friends. It kills me to hear that because she's such a great person but I believe it scared her because she never wants to help other people now. I think she's scared to because of her past. I even told her, if I was my old self, she wouldn't have bothered with me because I didn't talk, I never talked to anyone and now, to be honest, I don't think I ever shut up. Silence scares me more than words now. I'm not sure she got what I was saying.
2. I'm ashamed to say I had a moment of cowardice.
Yes, my old shy personality got the better of me a few days ago. I went into the office to ask when my meeting with the principle was going to be. I discovered it wasn't the secretary who I normally dealt with and I got scared because when she asked me to come back and check for a time and date I chickened out and never came back. You have no idea how I'm kicking myself for that right now! -_-'
Well, when it comes down to it, I'm facing reality and difficulty with making this group. Thank God I'm stubborn or else I probably would have given up by now. Still, I'm reading more and trying to understand and built relationships with my school friends and ultimately just get them in a better place. I still think the only way I can do that is to introduce them to God but I know, as things are now, they'll just look at me and say I'm crazy and walk away. I just guess it's true that the truth is only for those who want to believe it.
As always yours truly,
Star
 Star_Freeheart · Sun Feb 21, 2010 @ 08:44pm · 0 Comments |
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