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Red the Vampire
Red the Vampire ((Cont.))
Red gets his fill of the womans blood. He then closes his eyes and feels the blood run down his throught and he pushes her limb body away and she hits the ground with a thud. He steps over her body and his eyes now dark red look around the room. He puts his swords back in there holder. He then walks out of the room to get back on track. His body was covered in the scent of the womens blood. Two large men start coming from around the corner. He jumped down a open door way and almost fell down the stairs. Quickly he ran down them and hides in the shadows. The two men walk down talking to each other. "Yah she looks vary beautiful and we found her outside the gate this morning and no body has touched her yet. I made sure of that." The other one laughs as the walk past him. Red thinks to himself to wrather he should help. All of a sudden a females voice rings through the prison. "What do you want!! Leave me alone!! Stop....Dont touch me!"

((I love leaving you guys guessing and wanting more. lol. If i get three coments i will write more. lol))






User Comments: [6] [add]
chibideathgirl
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Fri Oct 12, 2007 @ 08:50pm
wow dude that is cool or wat? lol


commentCommented on: Fri Oct 12, 2007 @ 09:12pm
Yeah, alright, i'm hooked now, you have to write more!



2kona2
Community Member
a n t i p a t h y
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Fri Oct 12, 2007 @ 09:26pm
Third comment. c_c


commentCommented on: Fri Oct 12, 2007 @ 09:34pm
You are so good at making stories...you've gotta right more pleasies! 4laugh



-AngelxWhisper-
Community Member
[Sealed] with a `Kiss
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Fri Oct 12, 2007 @ 09:43pm
Wow, not bad! I'm a writer myself (though not quite famous yet... unfortunately xD), and I was pretty impressed by this. Keep up the good work!

Just a tiny little tip: try to stay in the same tense throughout your story. I noticed that you'd switch from past to present tense, and sometimes that gets a bit confusing for the reader. I know from experience that it's pretty hard, but it definitely helps to clarify the setting of the story.

-Ahriana heart


commentCommented on: Thu Nov 22, 2007 @ 02:41am
wow...again.this is mark right?
if so hi it's Amy,and such a good story line.



TheQuietDisaster
Community Member
User Comments: [6] [add]
 
 
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