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These are all from Spike, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'm watching them now every morning, well, recording them, and I'll put any quote I find amusing here. And, a lot of these I got off a site with copies of the script, so that's why some are in that format.

-"Well, if at first you don't succeed, I'll kill him... *indicates Xander* ...and you try again."

-"I've been all wrongheaded about this. Weeping, crawling, blamin' everybody else. I want Dru back, I just gotta be the man I was. The man she loved. I'm gonna do what I should have done in the first place. I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her till she likes me again. Love's a funny thing."

-"She wouldn't even kill me. She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know, some little sign that she cared? It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft. I wasn't demon enough for the likes of her. And I told her it didn't mean anything I was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn't care. So, we got to Brazil and she was... she was just different. I gave her everything. Beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy. And she would flirt. I caught her on a park bench making out with a Chaos Demon. Have you ever seen a Chaos Demon? They're all slime and antlers; they're disgusting. She only did it to hurt me. So I said, "I'm not putting up with this anymore." And she said, "Fine." And I said, "Yeah, I've got an unlife, you know." And she said... she said we could still be friends. God, I'm so unhappy."

-"No, this is different. Our love was eternal, literally. You got any of those little marshmallows?"

-Spike: We killed a homeless man on this bench. Me and Dru. Those were good times.
[chuckling]
Spike: You know, he begged for mercy, and, you know, that only made her bite harder.
Buffy: I guess you had to be there.

-"You think you can fool me? You were my sire, man. You were my... Yoda."

-Spike: So. How 'bout this Slayer? Is she tough?
[Cut to Buffy's room. She's standing at her mirror, trying to brush her hair]
Buffy Summers: Ow!
Joyce Summers: What's wrong?
Buffy Summers: I spent a good part of my allowance on this new cream rinse, and it's neither creamy nor rinsey.

-Spike: How's the Annoying One?
Drusilla: He doesn't wanna play.
Spike: Figures. Well, suppose I better go make nice.
[He walks over to the Anointed One and kneels before him]
The Anointed One: You failed.
Spike: I, um... I offer penance.
Vampire: Penance? You should lay down your life! Our numbers are depleted. The feast of St. Vigeous has been ruined by your impatience!
Spike: I was rash, and if I had to do it all over again...
[laughs evilly]
Spike: Who am I kidding? I would do it exactly the same, only I'd do this...
[grabs the Anointed One]
The Anointed One: No!
Spike: ...first!
[Spike sticks The Anointed One in the nearby cage and starts pulling a chain, lifting the cage up from the floor]
Spike: From now on, we're gonna have a little less ritual... and a little more fun around here.
[the cage is lifted into the sunlight. The Anointed One screams as he dies]
Spike: Let's see what's on TV

-Buffy Summers: Do we really need weapons for this?
Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.

-Willy the Snitch: What are ya gonna do with him((refering to an unconsious Angel)), anyway?
Spike: I'm thinkin' maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to rush into anything. I've been hurt, you know

-Spike: Are we feeling better, then?
Drusilla: I'm naming the stars.
Spike: You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also it's day.
Drusilla: I can see them. But I've named them all the same name, and there's terrible confusion.

-[the Judge demon is urged by Spike to burn all the goodness out of Angel who's turned into Angelus((Evil Angel))]
Spike: Hurts, doesn't it?
Angelus: Well, you know, it kinda itches a little.
Spike: Don't just stand there, burn him!

-Spike: Did you see any further? Do you know what happens to Angel?
Angelus: Well, he moves to New York and tries to fulfill that Broadway dream. It's tough sledding, but one day he's working in the chorus when the big star twists her ankle.
Spike: You don't give up, do you?

-Spike: When do we destroy the world, already?

-Spike: Are you insane? We're supposed to kill the b***h, not leave gag gifts in her friends' beds.
Drusilla: But, Spike, the bad teacher was going to restore Angel's soul.
Spike: What if she did? If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off Slayer.
Angelus: Don't worry, roller boy. I've got everything under control.
[a Molotov cocktail smashes on the table, setting the place afire]

-Spike: It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.

-Angelus: Acathla, the demon, came forth to swallow the world. He was killed by a virtuous knight who pierced the demon's heart before he could draw a breath to perform the act. Acathla turned to stone, as demons sometimes do, and was buried where neither man nor demon would want to look. Unless of course they're puttin' up low-rent housing.
[to other vampires]
Angelus: Boys.
[two vampires open the sarcophagus]
Drusilla: He fills my head. I can't hear anything else.
Spike: Let me guess, someone pulls out the sword...
Angelus: Someone worthy.
Spike: ...The demon wakes up and wackiness ensues.
Drusilla: He will swallow the world.
Angelus: And every creature living on this planet will go to hell. My friends, we're about to make history... end.

-Spike: Nice walk, pet?
Drusilla: I met an old man. I didn't like him. He got stuck in my teeth.

-Buffy: What do you want?
Spike: I told you. I want to stop Angel. I want to save the world.
Buffy: Okay, you do remember that you're a vampire, right?
Spike: We like to talk big, vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." It's just tough guy talk. Struttin' around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United, and you've got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision. With a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Piccadilly. Farewell, Leicester bloody Square. You know what I'm saying?

-Spike: What, your Mom doesn't know?
Joyce: Know what?
Buffy: That I'm, uh... in a band. A-A rock band with Spike, here.
Spike: Right, she plays the, duh, triangle.
Buffy: Drums.
Spike: Drums. Yeah, she's a-a hell on the old skins, you know.

-Joyce: Have we met?
Spike: Uh, you hit me with an axe one time. Remember, uh, "Get the hell away from my daughter"?

-Spike: You have your way with him, you'll never get to destroy the world. And I don't fancy spending the next month trying to get librarian out of the carpet.