Interesting how things turned out between Dillon and I. Today, we broke our relationship off. From April 12th - December 27th, we had a good run.
I am glad that what happened between Dillon and I happened. Glad merely because I told him that if he ever stopped feeling the same way for me, he should break up with me rather than drag the relationship on. If he would have dragged it on any longer, both of us would have just become incredulously miserable. At the same time I am a bit torn because Dillon was a big part of my life. I am glad that we made the decision to still be friends.
I’m glad that it ended in a very civil way. I’m glad that there wasn’t bullshit like, “I never meant anything I said” or, “I never loved you in the first place” or any of that. The only thing that I am hoping to get from this is that he will never regret me, for I know I will never regret him. A part of me is also hoping that there is no slander that will happen on his end or mine. He’s an absolutely wonderful guy. For me to go around saying bad things about him just because we are not together would be ridiculous.
Although I do have strong feelings for him, in time, from what I am told, those will subside, and like everything in life: I will proceed to move on. I have my coping mechanisms, and though they might not be the best for me, they will have to do for now. There are few things that I know right now: I do not feel anger towards Dillon. I do not feel sadness. But I do feel alone and I do feel given up on. I do feel worthless and a bit hopeless. Not because he made me feel that way, may I add.
All I need right now is orchestrated music, a cup of tea, and solitude. And those are all conveniently being provided. I am also astounded by the copious amount of people who have gone out of their way to make sure that I am okay about this! It did get annoying, but I am quite thankful that that many people care. It’s okay. I’ll be okay. I always am. I guess this begins my journey to… for lack of better words, “recovery”.
 Purple Sky Painter · Fri Dec 28, 2012 @ 03:53am · 0 Comments |
