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truelove, it can't always be wonderful, i learned long ago that there is no eternal happiness, or suffering for that matter, it was my view that god keeps the wheels turning, he lets neither sadness, suffering, or drama last long until the persons next cycle of happiness, joy, or excitement. the cycle is not balanced though, theres no calender to keep days of happiness or sadness logged for certain. sometimes sadness or hurtful feelings can be the result of unknown reasons where maybe someone else can see the reason but not you, sometimes the person just might not want to face the reasons either. the same can be said for happiness,sometimes you can find yourself smiling for no reason appearent to yourself.

me and my fiance have been together 1 year 1 month a week and 3 days. lol now i sound like a creeper, it makes me overjoyed to know that ive spent so long with the woman that i love, it makes me kind of nostalgic though thinking back on our early days together. shes the one thing im most proud of in this world, im proud of who she is, how she can get along with my family, how she has a goal, how she maintains her own path and beliefs, how she can smell and look beautiful at the same time, how shes exceedingly kind and thoughtful, how she has impacted me in my life how shes supported me, im reminded of an anime called clannad, where the man leavs his love in order to let her pursue her more worthy future because he cant go as far, maybe its something like that. ive been having these weird thoughts lately i wake up and wonder if im truly alive, i look around, i see all my worldly belongings as meaningless, if im being shown anything its the truth before death.

i would share anything with my fiance, i would tell her everything, i would keep no secrets from her, i made her this promise long ago, and to this day i keep it. i love her with all my heart, but last night she didnt say i love you before saying goodnight, maybe it doesnt mean much, i take things to heart to strongly i know, but maybe thats because i see symbolism everywhere, i write words with the strength of my heart, my pencil not guided by the fingrs but by my feelings

nothing i write is ever just words on paper, they are my heat and soul, my true self reflecting off of each ink, or lead mark i make.

well before this journal gets too long, which is probably to late, i say this, no relationship is going to be perfectly happy everyday every minute every hour, there is going to be periods of suffering, there are going to be hardships needed to overcome, make sure you all consult with ur lover otherwise u wont overcome what lies ahead, and beleve me, there are going to be obstacles some more than others,

i love my fiance, with all my heart and soul and being, i want her to be happy, if you feel the same way, take what ive said to heart friends although i suppose this even could be applied to friends and family