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My mind wanders with nowhere to go. I can't think clearly. Someone is holding the remote of my mind and changes channels to something else every thought. Every moment I don't know what I was doing the last. Can I live in coherrency? Can I maintain a train of thought? It seems impossible. All I can do is think; my mind wanders. I think of plans, stories, events, people; but not for long. I develop an idea only to have it fade away in ten minutes. I have to write what I think otherwise it is lost. Lost to the void, lost to insanity. It's a lonely path, I can't let people in because no one will understand the ramblings of my mind. No one can understand the babling of my conciousness. No one wants to understand. No one wants to take the time to help process these thoughts. It just gets worse. If I could have someone, anyone listen, anyone help me think clearly, I would give anything. Anything for someone, anything for anyone. I just want some help thinking clearly. Nothing foreign is clouding my thoughts, it is only my mind, only my conscious, only the great depths of my intellect. I need to finish something, anything, but I can't, I just get deeper and deeper and deeper then change. At the climax of my thought, it changes, the former thought fades away the latter thought gets deeper, then repeats. Why can't I end it, why won't I end it. It is lonely. It keeps me up at night, sleep seems a world away to my mind. I need help thinking, I need help thinking clearly. An ominous thought is there, behind all my other thoughts. This thought is one of loneliness, one of despair, one of knowing it's just getting worse. Deeper and deeper it goes, then change. My mind returns to this foreboding thought, deeper and deeper, then change. It's a cycle of insanity, one I can't control. I need to control it. I'm losing myself. Losing myself to my own mind. Because of this, I am lonely. No one understands the babbling of my mind, it is foreign to them. I try to sacrifice some of who I am, how I think, just to fit in, but it only goes so far. I can't stop the cycle, how could I stop the cycle? I feel lonely in my thoughts, I want to fit in, I want to be included, but my thoughts constrict me. I feel a sense of security in my ever-changing, ever-moving mind. A sense of security that separates me from others. It hurts. I don't fit in, I can't fit in. My path is one of loneliness, loneliness in my thoughts, loneliness in my mind. Why can't others understand, why won't others help. It hurts so bad, I want help, I crave help, but I can't get any. No one wants to help me. Can anyone help me? It hurts so bad, what can stop the hurting?
 haruki_jitsunin · Wed Mar 26, 2008 @ 09:05am · 1 Comments |
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