Quote: “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
But what happens when that world starts to crash around you? Back in fifth grade I lost my best friend to cancer. She was the type of person who loved animals and she always made me think that maybe I wasn't so hopeless. I was always made fun of in school but she was an outcast as well, plus I had problems at home because of my father. I soon introduced her to the only friends I had and we all got along pretty well. Eventually me and her were inseparable and she taught me a lot about life. It's not like she spoke to me about life or we talked about it but being around her made me realize that even when things were bad they would get better and it isn't like the whole world is against me.
But one day she ended up not coming to school. My mind instantly fell back to her complaining about her back a lot in school. More days passed and still she wasn't there. I eventually found out she had cancer. I choked because when I was eight my mom had gotten cancer and she had just gotten it back. I couldn't imagine a person my age going through what my mom had to go through. I called her and came over with a get well gift but with her being home we didn't get to see much of each other. I called her about a few months later to find that she had quit her treatments and that she had given up. I wrote her a letter saying that I was sorry I wasn't there for her. I never heard from her again because she died but her mom said that she forgave me for not talking to her for so long.
It really got to me but I got through it. A few years passed and then last year my mom said her cancer had spread. Then one day she came home and said that the doctor was wrong. I thought she was going to be ok but as it turned out, over this summer, the cancer got worse. It didn't really show until her last month, however. That month was November of 2007, just last year. She came home and I heard the nurse say she was going to die and pretty soon. I didn't believe her, though, because my mom had pulled through before. Why should this time be any different? I guess you could say my ability to block things from my mind was my down fall because I fell to pieces when she died and my father, who I have a pfa against, isn't making things much better.
Still, I knew things could get a lot worse, and they did. My cat who has been with me through this all had been acting weird these past few days. I took her to the vet today thinking that she may have the flu or something. The news I got was a lot worse than I had thought I would get. I had found out that she had gone into kidney failure and will not last long. Now it feels like all walls of protection that I had are slowly cracking and shattering around me. The shock delayed from my mother's death is breaking with it and I can't stop it.
So what really happens when that world, created by our friends and family comes crashing down around us? Does our whole perception of reality change and we awaken to discover that we are never safe from the problems that you only read about or watch on TV? Or does that world just die, never to be seen again until judgment day? Who really knows but God. All I know is that in the end we are left with nothing but heart break and are left feeling empty inside.
-Star
 Star_Freeheart · Sun Jan 27, 2008 @ 05:18am · 0 Comments |
