Most recent movies watched (in reverse order):
Crash (1996)
Awakening the Beast
Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Movie
Mystery Science Theater 3000- Gunslinger
Most recent reads:
Ultimate Spiderman .5-104
Man Without a Country
The Sirens of Titan
xkcd
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Things are going, just going. Raising the kitten is good- all the bad things like the biting and the smell are overrun by good things (like how he has taken a liking to sleeping in my lap as I type journal entries).
Work leaves my brain feeling drained and uninteresting even though I spend almost all of my day thinking. Mostly working out plot points to stories, developing characters, remembering TV shows or comics, thinking very dirty thoughts. The time goes by and I clean screens, fold shirts, take inventory, and screw things up (with lower frequency than in the past- is progress finally being made on my competence level?!). The iPod I got for graduation has come in handy, despite it being a trendy little trinket. Having opera and Kyuss in my pocket makes things go a little easier on the rough days.
I've been able to have some friends over here and there, but right now things are mostly work, home, work, home. I'm happy to have some time to catch up with my internets, even if it is a crippling self-destructive loop I get stuck in what with the not sleeping/moving from my desk.
I'm a little worried about making friends in college. I know it's not hard to do, you just go up to people and behave like a human with half a brain and things usually go well. I've just gotten this feeling lately like making friends isn't that great. Perhaps i'm just courting the wrong people, but the whole process of meeting new people is getting old to me. Right at the time when I'm going to be doing the most new introductions i've ever had to. It seems to me like... Well, it's all well and good to talk, and sure, we like the same things. But past that, what's the point? It's begun to feel pathetic and clingy to chat with a lot of the new people i've met IRL. Strange that i'm so much more comfortable and happy to make friends on a site like this.
I hope it turns out to be that I just haven't found my crowd to be with. But I have a gut feeling that it has to do with the attitude of a college student, and this worries me. At summer orientation, all the people I met had this attitude about them that they knew what they were about, knew what they were. This isn't a bad thing, perse (it was refreshing at first, actually), but I'm so in love with people who have the burning ambition to improve themselves rather than feel content with who they are. Loathe that I sound like i'm rambling incoherently, but the best example I can come up with is taste. The people I met had taste in things like Hunter S. Thompson and obscure rock bands. (Hey, I like those things too.) It was just that those names seemed more like a deck of cards they pulled out, showing me how competent and adult they were. "I like this. Doesn't that reflect well on my maturity and knowledge ability? Don't I have great taste?"
As though admitting, "Hell yes I listen to video game music and read children's books, and I ENJOY IT" would be so crippling. I sensed so much fear of appearing unprepared for adult life.
Perhaps i've just been living in the hills too long and I'm not mature enough. But if that's what maturity is, swaddling yourself in your experiences and regarding the future with nonchalance, even resentment... I'd rather be like my very young friends, the ones with the huge dreams of being self-published manga artists more concerned with working out that character design than where they're going to get employed or what artist set the definitive standard of the new century. I never want to get content with myself, if that makes sense. I never want to think I'm living in the future as well as the present. I hope I always see the future as the biggest, best opportunity to be better than I am now.
(I'm already fed up with college kid bullshit and i'm not even in college yet. Hooboy. I really am excited about the classes I get to take, though!)
Take care, and much love. As always, anyone who happens to stop by, let me know how you're doing smile
ps- LOOK I MADE SAGITTERIDAE
Community Member
You get to party and drink before me! 8D
But yeah, I actually thought about college yesterday and I was like, "Mom, if we're moving to South Carolina, I wont have ANY friends and I wont GET any." But whatever. >< Internet friends are more fun to talk to since you can say anything without seeing their real faces all " surprised "