Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

 
 

View User's Journal

Critique Me
Words that need critiques.
-Untitled-
Looking out the white framed window
Sat a girl with auburn hair and jade green eyes
With light freckles upon her pale white cheeks
And finger nails painted black as the water depths

In the distance she watched the sun set slowly
Time slowing down and the earth’s spin stopped
The wind blew violently against the screen
Blowing her hair out of her face
Twilight came and settled

Black fog rolled down from the sky in circles
Creating a portal that opened ever so slowly
Distance…white specs fell from this portal
Opened… a red circle white lightning strikes

These white specs grew bigger rapidly
Revealing gorgeous being with white feathered wings
Suddenly they were no longer gorgeous
And before her eyes they turned ugly

Red eyes and black hair with wings made of bones
Tails grew from them as they howled with a roar
Below them as they transformed opened another portal
Similar to the one above that they fell from

Within but a moment her eyes burned
And she screeched so loudly she thought someone would hear
Her eyes bled profusely and melted from her sockets
Bleeding upon her white lace dress as she laid there unmoving





A Slaves Amulet
Tonight’s the night I’ll vanish
Leave this place forever
Rid myself of these foolish chains
Put the horrors of tomorrow behind


Dark was the sky as the night came upon the lands of grey
Ice that sparkled brightly with the sun
Now shone dully upon the pale moonlight
And the wolves in the forest howled
And the panthers of the night came about

Tonight’s the night I’ll vanish
The storm be my friend and hide my tracks
As I disappear from this forsaken life
Put the horrors of tomorrow behind


Snow fell slowly as the moon centered in the sky
Black clouds covering the stars
Making her trek through the halls
Of a stone castle
The amulet upon her neck shone

Tonight’s the night I’ll vanish
Tomorrow’s the day I’ll be gone
As I disappear from this forsaken life
I’ll leave behind this amulet


Golden chain with a blood-red ruby
An heirloom given to her
From fellow slaves
It glowed this night
It’s never done this before

Tonight’s the night I’ll vanish
Leave this forsaken life behind
Tomorrow I’ll be anew
In a world where no one knows


Her foot touched the snow
Covering the black slippers she whore
The storm came quickly
The winds howled with the wolves
Tonight’s the night…………….

Tonight’s the night I’ll vanish
Rid myself of these horrors each day
In a world where no one knows
Is the dream I have…….


Continuing her path into the forest
Never slowing never stopping
Footprints scurrying by
As the animals keep close eye

Tonight’s the night I’ll vanish……

The amulet fell to the ground
Blood seeping from the ruby
Beside the golden chain
Her body lay frozen in stone
Covered by snow as the storm passed by





Seperia
Community Member
Seperia
« Prev Week | Next Week »
Archive | Home

  • 10/09/11 to 10/02/11 (2)
  •  
     
    Manage Your Items
    Other Stuff
    Get GCash
    Offers
    Get Items
    More Items
    Where Everyone Hangs Out
    Other Community Areas
    Virtual Spaces
    Fun Stuff
    Gaia's Games
    Mini-Games
    Play with GCash
    Play with Platinum