It's comin', only 3 more days and I'll be an adult. God that's depressin'. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about goin' on my trip and everythin', I just really don't wanna turn 18. I never planned on livin' this long actually, I've never wanted to become a legal adult, I remember cryin' my eyes out at my 11th birthday. In fact, I think I've cried at every single birthday of mine 'cause I really don't wanna grow up. I know I can always act immature and childish as always, but when you grow up you start realizin' more and more about the world, and I don't like it. I've managed to create a very nice place to escape to, but I can only hide for so long. I went back and looked at what I said durin' my last birthday in a journal of mine.
"Well, I'm seventeen now...great...I would enjoy this day a lot better if I wasn't in constant pain. Somethings up with my stomach or something, I don't really know what. It might be an ulcer, but I'm not so sure. Oh well, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger I guess...lets just hope it doesn't kill me..."
and
"I wasn't able to get on yesterday because my mom was being mean. Anyhoo, nothing much happened except for me getting super depressed about getting older. Now I'm 17, I feel old. I got my very first balloon in school from my friend, along with 3 jumbo bags of popcorn from random other friends. I got sick to my stomach, but I've been feeling off latley anyway. I had pizza for dinner and had my hair cut, nothing special. I got two gifts from my parents, a memory card for my camera and a book. I also got some money, yay! My parents didn't seem very excited about it, which kind of let me down. They just wanted me to do my work, and I eventually did. So anyway, now I'm a year older, woopdy do..."
I guess I've changed a tad, I'm not as complainy...I think...I hope. One thing hasn't changed though, my hatred of turnin' older. For the past few years I had planned on endin' it all on my 18th birthday, if I hadn't gone before then, but things have changed and I have a reason to stay, my mate. Other then that, I dunno. I just don't wanna get any older. I don't get people who wanna grow up so fast and get out in that horrible world, 'cause I certainly don't. Anyhoo, my upcomin' birthday has been on my mind, so I thought I'd complain some more, guess I haven't changed much after all.
Lastly, my birthday marks a major change. I have promised myself for a long time now that I'd become the person I've always wanted to be on my 18th birthday, so if I do remain livin' I'll at least live a life worth livin'. However, I've tried in the past to be like I want and have failed miserably, so I don't know if I can pull it off. I know one thing though, if I mess this up...
Semok Community Member 
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