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I know you don't want to think this, I don't even think I want to accept this, yet it's still true. Please read it all, none the less. You know who you are, so I have no need to type a name. I don't expect you to comment either.

Maybe you don't believe I try to put things on eye level, and when I think it will be better if I'm stronger (no matter how mean I seem at the same time) I will be it, no matter how meny tears I cry for you, alone, If I didn't always act like I do, would you still think it so odd?

It's not the main problem, I'm conserned about at the moment. It's the fact that I feel you seem to think, I'm playing or something, and don't really care. I say it's selfish, but is it selfish, to take a bullet for someone, in a manner of speaking? I'd do it for you. Please take the next few minutes to pretend to be me. I'm bitchy, selfish, somewhat stupid, stubborn, confused, lonely, depressed, weak, and am too "strong" to admit feelings. I ask not for pitty, only for you to see through my eyes while reading this.

It's a aginst my...code, if you will, to have people fight my battles, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen, but I don't like it. So, if I have it like that, it means I also think people should fight their own battles, yet I still wish I could help you fight yours, and when I try to help, you shut me out, or start yelling, there's nothing wrong with that, you're not used to it, at all. I'm sure I'm so new at this caring thing, it's hard to understand, so think of it as "training" maybe? But I do care, and I think, I do need you. I'm so stupid, I couldn't start showing it earlier, I was too stubburn. I would never, well I hope I never, kill myself, I try to remember it's selfish to you, and pop, and everyone else. I just don't think you see that.

I'm very afraid, yes, I'm afraid, that you will stop being my friend. I feel me trying to care is making you hate me. Sorry, I'm not as strong as I lead on and this subjuct is braking me down. When she said something like, "Look beside you, and see who you'd really hurt," I did everything to keep from starting to cry, and I wondered if she knew...I wondered if you knew. I'm getting stronger, as I'm braking down, since I'm not too stubborn to post this, now. I've wanted to tell, you sooner. Since you are about the only thing that keeps me "strong", I figured I had to tell you.

So, I'm so sorry, when I don't listen, or am not seeming to trust you, but I don't know to meny more ways to make it up, but to post it here, for all to see. I'm thankful you took the time to read this, I'm even more thankful if you though about it, through my eyes. I could never do enough to repay you if you deside to still be my friend, throughout all the trouble I put you through, I was only tring to help, I'm just not that good. I tell you, you're my best friend, I need you, I and care for you, I just want you to really know and understand that. Thank you, thank you so much, for being my best friend.