My best friend and I constantly have spats because she doesn't seem to realize that she's NOT the only one with problems that need to be dealt with. She often puts blame on me by saying, "You don't understand. You're always guilting me. You don't care," etc. etc. I understand that she's got issues with her mom and that she can't really talk to her, but so do I. It feels like she blames me for having found my voice. I guess I blame her for not finding hers yet, but I think if she wants something she should ask and not say, "Oh, well she'll say no, there's no point." -Sigh- I know I'm partly to blame for all the spats we have, but.. I guess in a way she's right. I don't care anymore. I don't have the energy to care about what her mother will say about whatever. I don't have the energy to deal with her constant yelling at me for 'not understanding'. Seriously, it's like everyone seems to think I'm stupid.
I'm also getting really tired of being compared to the worst people possible and falling just under or right at their level, making me equal or worse than them. Seriously, I was told I'm worse than my ******** drug addicted mother, and I was compared to my best friend's.. Step-father, I guess you could call him, who's a total jackass. I'm doing my best to be a good person, but breaking old habits is hard. No, I don't have a substance problem, but I do have other bad habits. No person is without faults.
I guess it's just that everything that's going on with MY step-dad is just piling up on me and I've gotten to a point where I need a break from life in general. The stress is at a retarded level, so.. S'cuze me if I appear to be the one at fault. I may be, but, hey. This is my journal, I don't need criticism here, too. Anyway, that's about it for now.
~Meru~
Dillusioned Fantasies · Sat Nov 11, 2006 @ 03:12am · 0 Comments |