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So here I was last night after I got offline after talking to Brittany who was in a bad mood and it got me to thinking about emotions and such within my own life. I really wanted to help her feel better, but it seemed that all that I did was enrage her further and that was the last thing that I wanted.

Our emotions control us. They override careful thought and reasoning and giveway to simple actions through our feelings. It's not a horrible thing because it's part of our nature, but it can be a very troubling experience when you combine your emotions and your thoughts.

So here I was wanting to find a way to make the woman I care about feel better and I just couldn't do it. I feel useless in times like this and it hurts me to know that I can't fix something I want to make right so desperately. This hurtful emotion I felt at not being able to make a good person feel better led my feelings down a path of self detriment as I thought on all of the things in my life I don't care for or that I'm helpless to change in one way or another.

I thought about my school situation and how I'm continuously going deeper and deeper still into debt because I'm getting one of the best educations that my money can buy. I thought on how I am a lonely person because I live on my own and I don't have someone here to simply talk to sometimes for one reason or another. I thought about what I'm doing to my parents financially thanks to school as well. I thought about how I'm not living up to my potential as a saxophonist and all of the sacrifices that I will have to make if I want to one day perform in some grand fashion like I have always wished for myself.

My emotions consumed me and let me think of nothing but ill. I went to my solitary bed and slept feeling very alone and vulnerable last night because of it. I awoke this morning and began thinking about my feelings and how I lead myself down these paths all day inbetween classes. I came to understand that while these feelings and emotions hurt me tremendously at the time, they often comfort me in some way later on.

You see, my lonely, empty thoughts about my life last night made me think today about my emotions as I mentioned. This in turn gave me a slightly broader understanding of what and how I feel at times and what this does to me. Through this understanding, I can now help motivate myself to change espects of my life and surroundings so that I can better myelf and become someone even more desirable to the girl that I'm infatuated with.

In short, just trust your feelings. You may not understand or like what they are telling you sometimes but you will almost always come out a better person for letting them partially control you.