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I'm much better these days, even things considered. I have breast pain this week because my cycle should start soon. Bleck. I feel sickly if my bra is too constrictive and my body overheats easy under this condition. Nerves wise, I've been fairing much better since I made plans for a concert at the end of January with Michael. We are making a big thing out of it and staying a few days in San Fran. I kinda want to reach out to Fib and see if she is still around that area or any of my old rp friends... I just feel embarrassed to do so. If I want to enough, I will do it. I'm not one of those wishy washy I should have done that but was too shy people. I ******** do s**t now.

Work has been a bit chaotic for a week. My coworker got sick a few days and the sub was odd. The kids have been acting up, but what can you really expect... it's the last ******** weeks of school before Xmas. They have school/we have work up till the 23rd. Then we get all next week off from the 26th to January 2nd. After that school has another week off but we have work and the after school program is open a week earlier than normal school hours.

I don't really believe in the holidays like most traditional people do. I told my mom I didn't want any presents or to go shopping but she just doesn't get that so I let her take me to a few places. We bought a water bottle for me. LOL. A fifteen dollar water bottle that I could have bought for myself, but I let her wrap it under the tree for me. HAHAHA. My brother is a different story. He is getting my RAM for my comp so it will be juiced up a bit. I'm stealing his expertise and time by requesting this. It's okay to ask him for this and not my mother for a present because what I desire from him is the time and further future moments with him through his act. My mom wants that instant gratification and gratitude or love towards her for buying things for me. I know she likes me company to shop, but she has an end goal that I don't agree with. **shrug. Mom's are moms.

I get the wanting to buy presents to make people happy, but I really with the holiday was geared more about the time spent with those people or making plans and putting someone else into your life through this exchange of gifts. ******** man, if I ever have kids I'm totally just doing whatever the ******** I want with the holidays. I'm gonna mess up these kids and do holidays on the wrong days or just ******** do them differently than everyone else. ******** it.