Is it Getting Better?
So far, I have to say that my life has been getting steadily better with the whole anxiety attacks as of last month. Just a month ago, I was having pretty bad problems even being able to stay in my class with getting anxiety feelings. I am feeling pretty great now after all that crap that I had to deal with. I just wonder now if I will have to stay on these medications for my anxiety. I think it will be a good idea for now, since I still get anxious feelings once in a while, could always help. Since this is under control, it's about time to look at other points I need to work on.
Since applying nearly last September hoping to get a big head start on scholarships, I haven't done a ton of stuff with all that. It's just I have been one of those who like to be lazy about it. I have applied to a fair number so far, but I need to keep going. Those rather large essay ones annoy me and I do not feel like continuing what I am doing afterwards. I wrote a fairly large one about my grandfather having Alzheimer's and that one touched me to write since I loved him as my grandpa. There are a couple of other interesting ones I need to apply to, just when I get around to it, hopefully being today I can start. I have other homework to attend to which I should finish easily.
Outside of my education, my love life isn't getting any better either, it actually kinda blows right now. My girlfriend I did have didn't really work for me too well. It's just when you are having feelings for someone, it's hard to know when you don't see it back. She never really says I love you or actually wants to kiss me. It's just always me making moves and it sucks like hell. Rather find me some love that is there and wanting me. Can't think of how many times it drives me nuts with it all. I'm sure I will find me some love again, it's never too hard to meet someone new with the invention of the internet and watchful eyes at school.
When I also think about it, I know high school is going to be over soon. Just next week begins March and I know this month is going to be the longest without any days off. There is a nice reward of spring break at the end. I always revered it since last year as the trail month. It should be an interesting month since I am always wanting to learn more stuff in school. I have never been one of those people who absolutely hate school. Learning new stuff is like learning a secret you never seen before in a dungeon of a video game.
Graduation is coming up for me as well. Can't think of how long I have been in school up until now. Surprisingly I remember every teacher who taught me. Up through when I started up until it ended. Crazy eh? I was thinking about writing on a document of all the people who taught me and a letter thanking them for teaching me. I may or may not do it, who knows, seem kinda sappy to me even though I do get sentimental in my poetry often. Maybe it can be just that letter to myself so I will not ever forget. Kinda worry about making one and losing it since my computer, I am not sure if it will ever die on me. It's not just that stage of life that is high school completed, now onto college and beyond.
