A Day of Plight and Heartbreak


Today, I have seen that I am a very stressed out individual out of everything today. A girl who I have been with for close to a month, I ended up breaking up with her. Me and her have been ones to explore into sexual things. We wouldn't have sex, but we would do everything else yatta yatta. Besides that, she is the babysitter for my nephew and she if often times busy. She and I happen to hang out and talk at times. We went out the movies once before, but we didn't go out any time after that.

I am not sure if I really understand women. Any woman who accepted and wanted to fall for me thought I was the best guy in the world. People would say I do a great job kissing and other things of the sort. That I am the sweetest guy and some found me funny. Am I the perfect guy, I wouldn't say so since I at times don't give chances. If I don't see if something is working then I leave the girl.

What is love anyways? I have gotten these experiences where I thought this girl would be perfect for me who would be able to do want to do anything with me. That's who I really want to find, someone who can be my friend and a great lover. They don't have to be perfect, but I just want to know they can accept and be able to reach me at some levels. I know we broke up because of being busy and how things were built. Then the stress moved onto my other current issue.

As going in my life, I feel like I have a continuing battle over the Christian religion. I don't really want to believe the same way others do. I do not like the idea of swearing my undying loyalty to a being. I just feel like there is something more out there, that something we are missing out on. My annoyance over some groups of the Christian religion bug me.

Ever since that fateful day my friend told me that is it not right to date women and explore your body. He told me that it's not God's best, and I thought "Why should I care, it's what I think is best, right?" As I next see things progressing along, I journey out of this religion and begin to hate it and everyone in it. As a group and not the individual's beliefs. The shrouded cloud of common believers bothered me to think that everyone is the same.

Trying to find the correct answer out of all these people and tell them I think they're wrong is not going to get me anywhere. I cannot argue against these people for they are still going to believe in what they think. I can always stab at people with my beliefs and reach out to people to show that it's to think for yourself. We should be allowed to believe in our system. Not have to be in binds of religions of old, but find our true freedom.

I was born in America and our constitution states we can practice whatever religion we please. Of course my sister explains to me that people aren't going to like what you believe either way. We're not in a time where common peace is understood. That when humans fear something, they poke fun at it or become offensive at the sight of it. Take gays for example, some people dislike the idea. As for Christians saying that they say "We hate your sin, but we love you." So, why can't I say "I disagree with your religion, but I don't hate you." There shouldn't be any hate in that.

I should not be of those guys who take personal offense against those who disagree with me. Just say what I want to say and try to understand why one will think such a way. It all makes sense if we can reach common ground instead of trying to be forceful and push things on one another.

Now, I will need to be exploring the endless expanse of history and religion to find my purpose in it. Also see that what I really want in a woman and develop proper skills to know when I am sure I want this girl in my life and nothing will stop me from being with her.