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Long time ago I had a dream where your Dad tried to kill me while I was supposedly asleep. He hovered over my sleeping place with an ax in his hands but when he had it poised above me, you came over and talked him out of it. You saved me then. It's strange that I didn't remember that dream when it looks upon you fondly. I remember the one where you try to take advantage of me much more clearly. And I hate you for it. It ruined what we could have started. My dreams tell me things that no one, including myself, could know. I haven't ever understood them in time but, I think that's part of their beauty.

I tell my friends when they are featured in my dreams. It doesn't necessarily mean that I'm thinking of them or like them more but that there is something I need to know that either involves them, they could help with, or something that might happen. A while back I had a dream where Christy helped me find my pants. And though it seemed so funny back them, I think I'm starting to understand why I had that dream.

My goal this morning, to set my heart at ease in the midst of this storm and wreck of nerves, was to get to four pages in my inventory. I think I'm only twenty or so items away. I've been trading back a lot of my items so I ran across my old journal entry in Sakura Takachi that I wrote to her. I'm not sure I could say those things in the same way now as I did then.

I've got guilt, which shouldn't be so strong. I'm tired from locking part of myself away. And I'm not really sure why it's even necessary that I lock her away... but most days are good without her. I've been creative, drawing and writing my characters. Homework has suffered and school has killed too many brain cells. Thinking of him has suddenly made me worry. Maybe I'm not ready to hangout with him? But I will... I was so happy at therapy and now I just feel flat lined. What a bummer.