Tallest Purple: Weren't you banished to Foodcourtia? Shouldn't you be...frying something?
Zim: Oh, I quit that after I heard about this!
Tallest Purple: You quit being banished?!?!
Zim: But, invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants! The pants command me. Do not ignore my veins!
GIR: GIR, reporting for duty.
Zim: GIR? What does the G stand for?
GIR: I don't know. [pauses, then begins screaming and hitting himself]
Zim: Ummm...is it supposed to be stupid?
Tallest Purple: It's not stupid, [sarcastically] it's advanced!
Zim: How could you not know?! I just upgraded your guidance system!
GIR: Oh. I left that at home.
Zim: You left what at home?
GIR: The guidy chippy thingy.
Zim: You! Why would you do that?!
GIR: To make room for the cupcake!
Zim: Be alert GIR. On this planet, we are surrounded by danger and MADNESS!
GIR: Ooh, I like madness!
Zim: I'm looking for a friend. Would you be-
Dirge: I was born with webbed fish toes. Like some kind of...horrible fish boy. Wanna see?
[A student is hit in the stomach by a dodgeball]
Zootch: Aah! M-My organs!
Zim: [laughs] Inferior human organs!
[Zim is hit in the stomach by a dodgeball]
Zim: Augh! My squeedly-spooch!
Dib: Squeedly-spooch? Did you hear that, Gaz? That's no human organ! Humans don't have squeedly-spooches!
Gaz: [sarcastically] I've got a squeedly-spooch.
Zim: GIR! I've been captured!
Gir: YAY!
Zim: No, that's bad GIR!
Gir: YAY!
Dib: What does identifying blotches have to do with finding our careers?
Ms. Bitters: Oh, you poor doomed child.
Ms. Bitters: Zim, the machine says that the only career you are suitable for is-
Zim: Yes, yes! Lord of humans! I will rule you all with an iron fist!
Ms. Bitters: No, Zim. The machine has assigned you a career in fast food preparation.
Zim: Then I will prepare food with my iron fist! Then I will work my way up to ruling you all with my fist! [to Melvin] You! [shakes fist in Melvin's face] Obey the fist!
Zim: I will leave you to your...
GIR: [whispering to Zim] Moosey fate!
Zim: Eh...
GIR: [whispering] Say moosey fate!
Zim: ...Your moosey fate.
Police Radio: Be on the look out for a giant mobile home rampaging through the downtown area.
Cop 1: Can mobile homes rampage?
Cop 2: Must be one of them new ones.
Krazy Taco Worker: So that's three tacos, one burrito, and one medium "GIR take us back to the base right now." Would you like a drink with that?
Zim: Why was there BACON IN THE SOAP??!?!
GIR: [screaming] I made it myself!!!
Dib: Gaz, taste me! I'm delicious!
[Gaz slowly walks backwards, then sprints away]
Ms.Bitters: Class, today's horrible lesson is about something horrible. Open your horrible textbooks to page 2038.
Dib: Sorry...I'm late...horrible nightmare visions...
Ms. Bitters: It's called life, Dib. Sit down.
Zita: Ms. Bitters!
Ms. Bitters: [is startled into waking from a brief snooze in her desk chair] Yes, Zita?
Zita: I think Dib seems crazier than normal today. Can we use one of the crazy cards to send him to the crazy house for boys?
Ms. Bitters: Each class only gets three cards a month. Are you sure you want to use one?
[Everyone looks at Dib who is twitching and falls to the floor.]
Zita: Yeah...
Zim: I'm not here because I like you, Dib. I'm just here for your gargantuate head!
Dib: Oh! NOW It's gargantuate!
Host: Are you an alien?
Zim: [shouting] LIES! THIS FILTHY EARTH BOY LIES! I mean no.
GIR: Then a giant squirrel showed up.
Zim: GIR!!
Host: [to Zim] Let her talk! Can't you see she's upset? [to GIR] Now, don't you mean, Dib showed up?
GIR: No! The squirrel showed up first. Then Dib showed up.
Actor playing Dib: [points to man in squirrel costume] AAGHHHH, what is that?
GIR: And then the squirrel ate Dib's greasy head. [man in squirrel costume proceeds to mutilate Actor Dib's head as the other actors back away terrified] And then the squirrel flew away! [man in squirrel costume gets picked up by cables] After that, he flew back to his home planet to fight all the bad guys. [costume rips and man falls on two actors in alien costumes]
Host: ...What does that have to do with anything?!
GIR: Me 'n the squirrel are friends.
Ms. Bitters: Children, your performance was miserable. Your parents will all receive phone calls instructing them to love you less now.
Skool Children: Awww...
Zim: And then, THEN, Dib says, "RAR!" in front of the whole class! Filthy slug. Mrs. Bitters called on ME, understand? Filthy squirmy Dib! SQUIRMY!
Kid: What are you talking about? Who are you?
Zim: I can't believe the things that H-H-HUMAN has done to me. ME! [makes angry noises] DIB! [more angry noises]
Kid: Why are you following me? I don't even go to your school!
Zim: And the- OH! He makes me so mad! The horrible puny brain meat child. With his little glasses and his [angry noises] HEAD!
Kid: [runs into house and shuts door]
Zim: My name is Dib with my pointy hair. POINTY HAIR! I eat food and have stuff!
GIR: [gasps] It's got chicken legs!
Zim: Yes...chicken legs.
Tak: [reading her poem to Zim] For longer than I can remember, I've been looking for someone like you. Someone with a head like yours and a torso too. Birds sing AND YOU'RE GONNA PAY! The end! HERE'S SOME MEAT COVERED IN BARBECUE SAUCE! [pulls a giant slab of ribs covered in bbq sauce and throws it at Zim]
Dib: You're just jealous that--
Zim: This has nothing to do with jelly!
Zim's Computer: But seriously Zim if you just speed up the explosion-
Zim: I don't pay you to contradict me!
Zim's Computer: You don't... pay me at ALL!
Zim's Robot Elves: [singing] Bow down, bow down, before the power of Santa or be crushed, be crushed, by...his jolly boots of doom!
GIR: [singing] We wish you a merry jingly, we wish you a merry jingly, we wish youuuuuu~!
Zim: Go home and shave your giant head of smell with your bad self!
Dib: O...kaaay, there's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.
Dib: Zim! I don't know what your plan is, but I'm going to stop you!
Zim: I am infecting the city with genetically mutated vermin, but you'll never know!
Dib: You just told me.
Zim: [screaming] YOU'RE LYING!
Zim: Hey. These aren't bad. What's in 'em?
GIR: There's waffle in 'em!
Zim: [screaming] You're lying!
Zim: The Dib- the Dib! I don't care how delicious he is, he's evil! They'll destroy the base! There's only one thing to do!
GIR: You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits?
Zim: No, GIR. Never. I never want you to mention biscuits ever again.
Dib: Zim! We meet again!
Zim: ...I just saw you three hours ago.
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