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Ok so it’s Sunday night, and we’re spot to leave on Tuesday. I was going to take my step shopping so he can get my mom something. But I doubt that’s going to happen now... Which sucks I need to get of the city.
So Christmas with my family at a cabin where we get to do fun stuff, we we’re going to have a blast; and my grandpa was going to probably give me his like 30,000 camera with all the lenses. But I bet we don’t go now. Or if we it won’t be the same cause it’s just the way my family is.
So back to my point.
I should be really happy, it’s almost Christmas and I get to leave the city.
And I don’t have boyfriend problems because I got dumped. [Was totally harsh and I was crushed for like a week. But nothing big happened so I couldn’t be crushed forever] Anyway so everything is ok kinda... my mom and step dad are still having problems. And now my dad and almost step mom are to. Everything is kinda just falling apart. [And ppl wonder why I don’t believe in happy endings anymore.] So beside that note I should be just chipper.
But…
I can’t get happy like I should be. I can put on a smile and try my hardest to forget all the drama and s**t going on in my life. But it all just comes back and bites me in the a**...
So when I should be happy about leaving, i”m crushed cause well I don’t know why. Just everything is a mess with people. And it gets worse when my brother thinks I’m everyone’s favorite. But the truth is I’m not, he is. He’s there “basketball star” everyone is always so proud of him for like everything he dose. But me? No one is proud of me unless I pass school or go to another school because my time is done at the old one. It hurts a lot cause he gets told “I’m so proud of you!” so much I all I can think is yea good for you. And he doesn’t realize how much I miss. Being the older sister I use to have everyone saying Ur awesome. Omg so cool! How did you that. Now it’s like yea w.e emo kid... Even with my dad. He’s always proud of my brother and my brother. And they might not think I know but I do. I can see that i"m no ones favorite anymore and that I would be just better off gone.
Now all of you guys who read this are probably like.
“Agh grow up already” or. “Chandra stop being ******** emo!” or. “Whatever shut up already/”
And I so see where your coming from but I need to rant damn it and I don’t give a s**t anymore!
Maybe that my problem.
I don’t ******** know anymore, I just hurt when I should be happy and I'm sick of living my live! But how do I tell ppl who need to know that I’m not ok, that I can’t stand anything anymore, that I truthfully just want to die.
Well people would send me to Shrink and tell me I need to talk to someone about it. But it doesn’t ******** work! I’m not some ******** up kid. I’m just…. Noting I guess..