*sigh*
rolleyes
rolleyes
For the pass six months, I've been dating a new guy.
Arturo.
He's better then Josh, but he also has his own flaws that could be easily over looked. Like all of us, we're only human no one is perfect. That's what I expected from everyone, incluing myself; imperfection.
There are many time, I look at him, and I'm glad I met him. It really makes me believe that things happen for a reason. In fate. He makes me so happy, but he's also very blut...which has emotionally hurt me. But that's just me. I'm hyper sensitive. Give me sometime, and I'll realize that I over reacted, and be over by the next day. I think that's the way I've always been.
In the beginning, I was afraid to fall in love again. After breaking up with my ex. at that time, i saw love as a bomb that was thumping in my chest till I self destruct. The idea of me being happy with someone had decayed out of my mind. For another guy's touch, and fresh lies for a future together was just another volume for a tragic story.
It was raw and painful.
For me to give Arturo a chance, scared the fukk out of me....!
But there was something about him. Something inside. The type of person he is, made it easy for me to be brave and give him a chance. To get myself a chance.
Now that I have fallen in love, I cant stop thinking up ways to tell and show him in ways that would make him smile. [which are usually goofy] What possibly makes me feel safe enough to love him so is the fact that there is trust. And everything up to the point has been real.
It's been..
Eleven months since I've talked to Josh over the phone.
Two since I've sent him a 'Hi' with no reply
[for the first time in 8 months]
Now three years since I hugged him.
I possibly would always wish that we were at least friends.
Becaues he was my first love.
Becaues he is special to me.
[Despite how much he's changed]
I will always hate how he assumes that every 'Hi' means that I want him back. When I just wanted to know the basic things that I ask from many other friends: "How have you been, anything new?"
Its been more that a year since we broke up.
I still hate:
How there's a soft spot my heart for him.
And a small lump in my throat when I speak of him.
How as time passes by, its harder to remember the funny times. The Good time. The promises. How he smiled or even looked.
That its so much easier to flashback on that one sad day. As if it was the only memorie I have left.
I hate it.
I still have sorrow bottle up deep within my soul.
I'm trying to get it up.
So I can be able to think back, and not cry.
I shouldnt be crying.
I'm not sad.
My life is good.
I've been a happy person.
Not just becaues of Arturo.
Becaues of my art in school.
I was so tough during the middle.
Why have i crawled to corner, and back into a weak creature without her shell?!
