Ok, I have come to the conclusion that no matter what I decide to do whether its good for myself or not I am going to hurt someone I love, Care about, or my own family. Why am I always stuck with these Terrible circumstance and I'm the one that has to fix them. I mean what could I have done in a past life that was so terrible. I must have been horrifying considering how miserable I am now. I only have one thing in my life that makes me happy other then my family. I love you! I need to find a way out of this hell I am living so I can't start to feel like a human being again. I feel like a zombie...Everything I seem to do is for someone else..Maybe I'm just being selfish. Maybe I should be thinking when Is it my turn to get something or do what I want to do. Maybe I just don't deserve it. Right now I am stuck, and I see no way out. I want to be happy, and I try so hard..but it always ends in failure and hurt. I'm sick of being in pain. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired to be honest.
The one thing I need to do to make everything somewhat better is so far from my reach and I feel like I will never make it. What if I don't make it. What if I let myself down and everyone who is relying on me. I seem good at letting people down. Why is it always me.
I don't want anyone to pity me or feel bad for me. I just want the people that can help to do what they need to do and not let everything fall on me. How much can one person really do. It feels like I have to do everything anf thats not how it should be. Sometimes I wish I didn't have so many ties and responsibilities. I wish I could turn back time and realize what I was doing. Not saying everything that has happened has been bad..But I want to know if I could have been happier. I wonder if I would have never lost my best friend all those years back. Never give up your friends for anyone. She was always there for me when I needed someone and now I have no one.
I don't know what I should do...I'm sorry if I screw up...I'm sorry I'm a complete mess. I'm sorry to everyone that I am going to let down. I just don't know what to do.
Sage
 SageBunny · Mon Aug 30, 2010 @ 04:58am · 0 Comments |
