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I have to be crazy.
There's no way any sane person could possibly have one thing (or person) on their mind for this long and still have it not be an obsession.
But if there's anything I've actually learned about psych from psych is that the sane think they're crazy, and vice versa.
So what am I?
I've got to be crazy to like him.
But I'd have to be nuts if I didn't.

I know this is probably boring for all of you to read every time: 'blah blah Ben blah blah I don't know what to do blah blah blah laskfj' etc. But until I do something about it, this is pretty much nonstop on my mind.

It sucks, I'm constantly distracted unless I'm around him. And once I am I'm just fine. I really don't know how I feel so good about my ACT and SAT as a result, but here I stand.
I would have done something on Friday, probably, if I hadn't gotten diverted by a certain shorty on her way to French class. But she had no way of knowing and I wasn't about to blow her off for something that I'll have another chance to do.
Until I get another chance, I'll be kicking myself inside for not doing anything sooner or even in general. That, and for being so inept at figuring out other people's feelings.

On another subject that's very related, does fate exist?
I've been trying to figure that out all school year.
Is it fate that we cross paths nearly every day, or good timing?
Is it fate that we both ended up in the same psych class, or pure luck of the draw?
Is it fate that he's not going anywhere next year, or just his unpreparedness for college?
Is it fate that we happen to be very close friends now as a direct result of psych hell, or is it just each of us trying to find an outlet to survive it without becoming insanely cynical?
What is this?
What should I do?
All signs point to 'HE LIKES YOU, YOU IDIOT, DO SOMETHING' under normal circumstances, but he's not exactly a normal guy by everyone else's standard of 'normal'...that's one reason why I haven't done anything, I can't actually figure him out.
Only one way to find out, I suppose.
Thursday, maybe...since I won't see him Friday due to the APUSH test. We shall see. I just hope that if it's a negatory response, that I'm not too broken to go to DnD. And even so, the only thing I'd show about being upset is probably supercynicism toward a certain manwhore there. Which isn't a problem at all. Yay!

...I need sweetener, I'm getting too bitter and I really don't like myself this way.

As an afterthought, maybe I'll do something next week. AP exam is Friday and doing something stupid on Thursday wouldn't help my score, and goodness knows I need to do well on it...