Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I am not here to save the world.
I know that.
The world is not for one (wo)man to save. It is for everyone to rescue from its ultimate downfall. If they could just see things the way that I do, everything would be alright.
If everyone could see how other people are feeling, could sympathize with the other side of the argument, and could even just see when they’re wrong and obnoxious.
But until they do, here I am.
A living martyr, lost within my own thoughts.
Being myself around those who are on my side and being my own interpretation of what they want from me when I am around those who are not.
Perpetually trying to conform while trying to be myself, and finding the task completely impossible.
By conforming to their idiocracy I would lose myself. And in being myself everyone hates me or finds me inanely weird.
Weird.
I used to relish in the fact that I was weird. Now all I want is to be liked for being weird, not to creep everyone out.
I see that my vagueness does not inspire questioning, but simply makes me seem like a fool. Unfortunately, I do not know where my social quirks lie and cannot fix them as a result.

It’s not my fault I’ve grown up with very conservative, overprotective parents who seem to be stuck in the late 80s/early 90s. I’ve done all I can to become of my own time, but some aspects shall never leave me. I will never listen to the same music you do, nor will I ever agree wholeheartedly with your morals.
You all look at me like I’m completely off my nutbox, but I am saner than all of you. My mental processes are just wired differently and I view the world as a being that hates my existence simply because I exist. I should not exist. If the son had survived, I would not be here. How many of your lives would be different if I had not been born? How many of them would be exactly the same?

But there is a reason I am here.

I just wish I knew what it was.