I'm writing writing writing...
....
There are some things in life that send you spinning, reeling, spiraling. Whatever semblance of control you felt you may have had is ripped from you.
I'm turned upside down.
It's hard to be free with words, it's hard to be free with love even....there are so many restrictions, boundaries and obstacles.
I feel as is the only real freeing place is my mind, as odd and introspective as that may sound.
And now I'm confused.
I'm trapped in here. Bound by rules and regulations in my own mind, contradictions binding me.
But that's just an excuse right?
I know that deep down, buried underneath all the excuses, and the metaphorical mounds of rules I feel I MUST follow, there IS a truth. At least, my version of it.
It IS there.
Am I too ignorant to see it?
Or is it just that I don't want to recognize it as the truth?
I'm getting scared that I've woken up.
I'm taking a huge gasping breath and breaking through the sleep glazed eyes I've been complacent seeing out of.
And I'm scared that I'm not going to like what I find, where I am.
But I already know how I feel.
I'm already awake.
I'm taking precautions, and pretending I'm still sleeping.
But the point is that I'm FEELING, really feeling. I'm, awake, I'm alive, and if I am not satisfied, I CAN move forward. I can change and grow and learn and stop the mediocrity.
The thing is though, there had to be something to wake me, and I know exactly what that is, and I am so terrified of the realizations I've come to make, that I'm going to make that....I..just....don't know.
Can I face the obstacles life is throwing at me?
Is that something I'm ready to do?
And is it something I can do alone?
Good question.
Loiish Community Member 
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