5 days until I leave. My flight is at 6am on delta air, and I have a connection, which I hate.
Screw layovers.
I had a mild panic attack last night. The check came for my loan, which was cool to look at, but then I realized that I would have to pay it back.
I took out $19,700 for two semesters, and I'm going to be paying back $32,446.90 with interest included. That's a grand total of $129,787.60 for four years.
The loan only covers half the tuition, I got half of it covered in scholarships and it's still that much!! And it won't go down with residency because it's a private school.
I lost my legacy scholarship because I got too many scholarships. I guess they thought I didn't need it.
For one year at UArts I could pay for FOUR YEARS at the community college here. What am I thinking?
My parents have made it abundantly clear that this is all on me, and they're not going to help me pay for college, except for an occasional interest payment. My dad had a very large problem just cosigning for the loan just so I could get it!
In 5 days I will start paying back a ridiculous sum of money, going to school, and becoming a functioning member of society.
I won't be able to run back to my parents, or say 'I don't wanna do this anymore.' I can't opt out, it's the real deal.
I don't know if I can do this. Writing about it, I can feel the panic starting to set in again.
I'm moving across the country, leaving my friends, my old job...I beginning to wonder if can handle this.
Everything is in motion, and all I want to do is scream STOP at the top of my lungs. I'm not ready for it. I don't want the responsibility.
I'm 19 for ******** sake, I don't' want to be in debt!
I'm going in to this alone. My boyfriend isn't going to move with me, so that relationship is going to fall apart when I leave.
I wanted to make this a positive journal but I am freaking out.
I'm not trying to be emo or self pitying, so if you think that gtfo.
5 days until life really starts....I'm scared.
Loiish Community Member 
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