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My First Novel
I've been writing a story for a while and have recently decided to make it a novel, I'll need lots of input from everyone to make sure it keeps the reader interested.
Needs Editing But Here's A Little Insight Into My Story
In a world of creatures both fantastical and normal, there lived a young lad with the name of Freyr. He earned this name at the age of 13 when he stood for his friends at a time where nobody else believed them. On his 16th birthday he left on his coming of age trip that every boy must do in order to become a man. He’s a very proud boy and wanted to out do everyone before, especially his father. His father came back from his trip when he was 17, a whole year gone away from his family and friends, isolated. But in his cart he brought back the skeleton of a dragon. No one in history has ever accomplished such a magnificent feat.
For such a thing Freyr, became a name of fear, merciless, and perhaps even looked at in a darker path, however he was a man who could violently rip respect unto himself.
And by this meaning, he was known. However, he was not a person who followed what others saw in him, no, he followed his father’s footsteps hoping to better him, yet still full of such deep admiration.
Because of this, he was never noticed as Freyr at first meeting. Perhaps, he was happy this way.
When the day of his 16th birthday finally rolled around, he said his goodbyes to his family and his one true friend. He left the town of Oculus and traveled north. Nothing lay north except for them.
A few hours before he left he went to see his father. “Father, the creatures that people will only call them, who are they?” His father laughed.
“Trying to capture a better beast than a dragon just to spite me, you’re more like me than you know. More than you’ll ever know. But back to your question, they are the most foul, cruel, and evil creatures to ever grace this planet.” He said.
“This planet?!?!? You mean there are other planets out there with even more foul creatures on other planets?” Freyr said with a glint of excitement in his eyes.
He sighed. “No, Freyr, I said this planet because it has a name but we have forgotten it. To call it a name that is not its name is a sin, and is punishable by death…no exceptions. Anyways, back to what I was saying, legend says they are shape shifters, but that is not true. At creation—for they aren’t born, they are created—the shape they are given is random and can change over the years as they mature mentally. Luckily, there exists only three in the entire world. Then again, there have only ever been three ever created. How they are created is no mystery, due to the sacrifices of many scientists in an effort to control them. When it is a stormy day and a lightning bolt strikes into the earth during a large scale earthquake, one of them is created. During the first war against them we were brutally slaughtered, they killed 87% of our forces—sixty thousand strong—and never even got a single scratch.”
“S-s-sixty thousand?!” Freyr said shocked.
“Yes, and in the second war with 420,000 men against them we were only able to give the weakest and most foolish a tiny scratch when he took 7 high-level spells at the same time.” His father said.
“Um…father what are their names? Do they have any?” Freyr asked curious.
“The youngest is West, and the other two were miraculously created at the same time when two distant storms met the conditions. The majestic one is Chril and the brilliant one is Demerci. They all have bones harder than diamonds and their skin can only be ripped through by a high-level summoned demon. They are faster than lightning in both mind and body and can influence the weather. Also, they are capable of having several hundred thoughts per second. The twins, Chril and Demerci, can share thoughts telepathically, no matter the distance it seems.”
“What are they like? Appearances, I mean.”
“West is always in the appearance of a man, but to each person he looks slightly different. The only thing that never changes is that he has a gaping hole right where his heart should be. That and he’s 6’8”. Chril has blood-red wings with black veins. His eyes are purple with the pupil being a shining gold. He is only 1’3” tall. He has two surprisingly well-built arms and when he is curled up in his wings, he can’t be harmed. His blood is silver and freezes everything it touches. He has a sword that is three times his wingspan—4’3”—and somehow he doesn’t look like a child holding his father’s sword. The blade itself is a thing of beauty, 12’9” curved ever so slightly like a scimitar. It shines in the sun like diamonds. Comparing the hilt to the blade is like comparing a majestic dragon to the common house fly. It was carved from the bones of a dragon then layered with the fur of a griffin; the sides of the hilt were covered with opals of varying sizes and intensities and they shimmered under the moonlight. The sheath was made from the leathery skin of a chimera.”
“And Demerci?” Freyr asked.
“Demerci is the only one of the trio that is female. She is more pleasing to a man’s eye than a succubus. To each man she is different. She is perfect in every way to their eyes. She is an enchantress; she lures men to their death with her words alone. Her voice is intoxicating; her words, pure honey. She is graceful and smart. She is the tactician of the trio.”
“Um, Freyr are you okay you should really start going on your journey. Good luck, Freyr.” His childhood friend said.
Waking up from his flashback, he looked over at his friend, “Thanks.” He walked out the front gate and went out onto his coming-of-age quest. ‘Time to head north so I can kill all three, West, Chril, and Demerci, I don’t just want my name known for a few generations, I want it immortalized. He continued north encountering no problems. Freyr looked up at the night sky, “Maybe, I should start setting up camp now,” he thought. “Maybe, just a little bit farther.” He panted. He took a few more steps the collapsed on his feet. “I should of set up camp earlier.” He thought just as he blacked out.
He woke up, surprisingly warm and looked up into a girls face. “Whoa, um…Caci what are you doing here?”
She blushed slightly and before he noticed stammered “I, uh, knew you wouldn’t be able to look out for yourself.”
He looked slightly amused at her expression and said “Well, thanks. Looks like I owe you now.” He chuckled. “You should head back now. Everyone’s probably worried about you and I can take care of myself y’know.”
She looked at him seriously then laughed. “What? You. Take care of yourself? When I found you, you nearly died. What of your plans to kill Demer—,”
Freyr quickly put a hand over her mouth and whispered “Shhh…I think I heard something. Follow me.” Taking Caci’s hand, he led her to just within sight of the beast that made that sound.

“I knew it!” Freyr exclaimed, “It’s a Wyvern. Stay right here I’ll be right back.” He quickly crawled over the rock, but her hand held him back.
“J-Just stay safe,” she whispered faintly. He looked into her stunning green eyes and said, “I will.” He then let go of her hand and snuck near the Wyvern. Slowly he pulled out his sword Stilce, cursing at his idiocy when the blade’s slight unsheathing sound alerted the wyvern. Quickly, it turned and struck at Freyr. In preparation of the attack he swung his sword and blocked the wyvern’s strike. He jumped back and weaving he struck the wyvern. It took to the sky in order to dodge his lunge. It circled endlessly over Freyr waiting for the perfect opportunity to dive bomb him. It saw the opening and dive bombed him.
Not expecting it, Freyr was too late in moving and was slashed across the triceps of his right arm.
“FREYR!” Caci screamed. Quickly she scrambled over the rock to his side. “Freyr, come on let’s get out of here. You need a healer.” She said as tears streamed down her face.
“I-I’m fine, Caci. Just get out of here; I couldn’t live with myself, if you got hurt for my stupidity.” He stood back up and said “I can fight just as with my left arm as my right.”
He ran back towards the wyvern and expecting it to take flight again he jumped and slashed towards where its wings would be. His expectations and efforts were rewarded. He slashed through the membranes of its left wing. The wyvern let out a fierce cry and then it fell onto the ground and before it could recover Freyr thrust Stilce through its skull.
He then collapsed from blood loss; the last words he heard were “FREYR!”
He woke up with a fierce pain in his right arm and his throat felt like it was on fire. He looked around and he saw many dead griffins. “Whoa, what happened?” he wondered aloud.
“Oh, you’re awake Freyr.” Caci said warmly, with many tiny scratches covering her arms. Freyr tried to get up and was met with a fierce wave of white-hot agony. “Freyr! Please stay still for some reason your arm got infected and the poison has yet to leave your body, so please stay still and rest.”
“Um, Caci can I ask you something?” he said.
“Sure.” She replied happily.
“How long have I been out of it? And where did you get all those scratches from?” he asked.
"You’ve been asleep for 5 days since I got you here and we were traveling for a week before that. And about these scratches…well, I had to keep you fed and only griffins were in the area…so that’s where these scratches came from.”





 
 
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