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I know, I know, I didn't add the nex chapter to my story, and yesterday was Sunday. Well, don't think I forgot, because I didn't! And don't think I am going to show you the link to the new chapter, because I am not. You see, I didn't finish writing the new chapter, and I just didn't feel like finishing it. I don't feel inspired. My writing seems so pitiful in these slow parts. I think I am much better at writing the fast-paced parts, because when things are slow, you have to describe what everything and everyone is doing, instead of more... showing what they are doing? Does that make sense? Well, if you write, you know what I mean.

And you know what I just thought of? My poem. The Amazon Is Gone. I never even started on that. And it sounded so promising. I am not doing so well lately, as you can tell. I am just so... sad. I don't feel like doing anything. You know, depression sucks. It's not my fault it is common on boths sides of my family. And though I will probably not be officialy diagnosed with it for a while, as my mother is still in denial, even after all those times... that I will not mention.

I just feel soo... hmmm. Yeah, depressed. I feel tired, bored, unhappy, and well, utterly depressed. What can I do? Nothing that I know of. Eat bananas. I don't know if they have any medicine for depression for anyone under 18. Ugh. I hate this. Maybe it will just pass by. Maybe it's just the weather. Maybe it's just the people I am around. They do piss me off a lot. But where else am I going to find people? I can just leave, as much as I would like to.

Whatever now! I will write about my depressing problems, because you don't want to hear them. Or read them, I should say.

I think, I am unhappy, because I can't finish this story, or this poem. I know, I know! I just said I would stop writing about my depressing problems, but this just came to me. You see, I want to finish this so bad, but I just feel like I can't. There has got to be something or someone that can get me writing. I don't know if you noticed, but it is how I get all my emotions out. I can't talk about them, because there is no one to talk about them to. I can't really do art... well, I can sort of write, and take pictures, but no drawing or anything of that sort.

I just thought of another reason. Oh, wait, I already mentioned this. The people I am around. They pretty much all suck. Jerks. They don't care about how I feel. I try and express myself, and they ignore me. They don't care! They don't want to hear about my problems. All I seem to have these days is me. It's horrible! I am bottling up all the feelings inside of me, and little things are ticking me off. The other day, I lost my hairbrush. I felt like sobbing, just breaking down and weeping. That shouldn't happen! You see? I am keeping all my feelings and emotions inside of me. When I want to scream, I keep it in. When I want to cry, I keep it in. When I want to squeal in excitement, I keep it inside of me. And you see what it is doing to me?

But why, why don't I let it out? Because I feel like I can't. Like, everyone won't let me. It seems like times when I try to let it out, someone always gets mad at me. They tell me, 'You crybaby!' 'Shut up.' 'No one cares!'. You know how that makes me feel? HURT. Horrible. I hate it. I can't stand it. And now, I am going to cry.

Crying. That's what I am finally doing.

Will it work? Probably not. Now, I am already stopping it. It's become an instinct for me. A habit. I can't help it. Every time I begin to show strong emotion, I suck it back in. But I am alone. Why should I keep it in?

Because.

I can't let it out.