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Valentines Day
I realized that this pose is the best way I can see his face. With his head on my lap, and me trying not to pay too much attention to his chestnut eyes, but it's hard. He's looking up at me, smiling. Too gorgeous, too much. I'm not breathing, and I don't even know it.
His crazy, messy hair. I'm stroking it, making it messier. How does it feel for him? Does it feel nice?
He adjusts the pillow on my lap, making it comfortable for him. His head on my lap now. Later, he doesn't use the pillow. He nuzzled into my stomach two or three times. I giggle each time.
Is this right? It just feels so natural, to cuddle and be so close to him. I want this moment to be only ours. Just our special moment. An equilibrium of feelings, and heightened emotion and comfort.
Does he do these things with others? Am I not the only one? Is this one of those unbalanced equations, where one side is heavier than the other? And to make things even, the variable has to be strange and distorted to make it even on both sides? Please let it be not. I like it this way. I want it this way.
And yet.. wouldn't this just be pointless? An empty husk of a shell? It's merely a comfort act. I'm on a tightrope of indecision. I'm endangering my happiness with the truth.
But.. the kisses seemed so real. He asked for it. "Gimme a kiss?" was what he said. We enjoy each others kisses.
Can you call this lust? Empty affection? Only because we need the presence of the other sex? He told me he still likes to be close to me. Is this just a lingering feeling of closeness?
Or.. is this a special bond? A kinship? Because.. we have been close. And using that fact as a crutch to understanding each other better, we can become to really know each other.
Let's hope.
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