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Warning: in this, you will see the true side of me, one that isn't there all the time, but can overwhelm me sometimes.
Today I was thinking about my father again. (For those of you that don't know, my parents are divorced and I'm living with my step-father and mother.) Everytime I do that, I always get depressed. It all started when my step-father (SF) and mother were fighting. I tried not to, but I couldn't help but remember about fights my biological parents would have. My father was always drunk and acted as such. He would frequently hit my mother and curse and throw things while my siblings were hiding in the basement from him. Sometimes he would come down, and that's when it got really scary, but for some reason, recently I have been thinking about those times, and I don't know why. I guess I really supressed those emotions until this summer when I told someone, for the first time, about it. Ever since then I've frequently thought of it. (was that not the worse mistake of my life) Today it was really bad though, because seeing my S.F. mad made me remember it hardcore especially since when he gets really mad, he will hit my mom, my siblings or I(once he tried to throw me off a 13 ft. staircase). I can't decide which is worse, my father or my S.F.. I just really hate these memories and needed to tell someone, and since I only have like 4 people that sometimes read this, It's pretty secretive here.
I just really can't stop thinking about it. One time my S.F. gave me a huge black eye right after I got in a car accident. He told me not to lie to anyone, just to tell them the truth, but it was embarassing, so I told them it was from the accident. I hated him then, but now I just feel sad thinking about it. I jsut have such horrible memories, I wish they would just go away.
Thanks for hearing what I have to say. Feedback is always appreciated.
 haruki_jitsunin · Tue Oct 11, 2005 @ 08:25am · 0 Comments |
