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The fact that I love him makes this worse. I ******** him, and that was it. We didn't make love, we ********. The fact that it's now completely over is hurting more. It was stupid of me to even sleep with him. It was a bad idea and now I realize it. It was just so easy to, nothing in my mind told me that it was a bad idea, that it was wrong. Never once had I felt such a need like that. I want him, in every sense of the matter, but I can't have him anymore. So, I guess I have to move on... even though I can't see myself with anyone but him. I still dream about him, daily. Every night he's in my dreams and I can feel myself drowning in my own sorrow. This misery in which I dwell is killing me. It faded momentarily but it's back and it hurts just as bad as before. God, I should have never invited him over. It would have made things easier. Why did he have to be scared of the future? That's what hurts the most, knowing that fear ended something so great. I guess he doesn't deserve me. I guess he never did...