Dear Journal,
I'm tired of it...Everyone seems to be out to hurt me in some way...Many of my friends keep betraying me...And no one wants to get to know me... School is becoming harder because it's lonely... People say to talk about it, and when you do, they tell you to stop complaining and get a life... It makes no sense...And then they continue to insult you for doing what they asked. You can't even cry without being yelled at. And you can't always explain why your upset, and no one will listen. I just want a friend who is actually a friend... Someone who can hang out after school and weekends maybe...Someone who isnt restricted to school and computer... Wheres my days of happyness? when do I get to have fun. I didn't get my child hood, and I'm working to a future... and I try so hard not to break down under the pressure which is placed on me fore being who I am... But I can't do it anymore... I'm about to give up... I got a life which I'm supposed to live, but these challanges begin to place weight on my shoulders, and it grows heavier every day. My own mother seems to grow angry for my sadness. I know some have it worse then me, but it's still me... Were supposed to take care of ourselves...Keep ourselves happy, and make others happy as well...But how can you do that when no one takes that and tries to make you happy...And when you are, they somehow know how to make you sad, and break down, so you cant even help anyone else. It's not fair how this has to play out in my life... I've gone through my years of abuse...I've gone through a friendless and childless child hood. I want one day where I can smile truthfully, where I'm treated right...Not treated like some low life, which I'm beginning tobelieve I am... Everyone seems to be better then me, Those who are closest to a friend I have, they do more then me...And some who are supposedly my friends, only hang out with each other...and seem to push my aside... It's a heart breaking thing...And I don't deserve it...And you don't have the right to make me feel this way! I have a heart full of love I need to give, and every moment you all seem to lock it away so it can be released. And when someone tries, I've become stuck in my dark corner and can't release the love i know they deserve, and I appologies for it. Somewhere, there is someone who is going to see that I'm more then what people say, and I deserve better! And when that day comes...I won't rub it in the faces of people who tried to hurt me, but grow strong by taking and giving the love that I get! Life is worth living, and people who try to take that life from you, just don't know how to live a life yet. I grow stronger and weaker at the same time by every heart break, but i'm still here, despite how weak I've grown...That little bit of strength is still there...And I will keep it, so I can continue to live my life... Even if I feel like it should end.
W.D. Oni
Really written by
Emily Ann Anderson
Really written by
Emily Ann Anderson
Community Member