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My World. My Everything. My Everyone.
The moments that I'll always treasure. The split second-life changing moments. Just one little thing changed everything for me. However, I regret not one second.
Early in my childhood i always felt so alone. So neglected. Have you ever had the feeling of being rejected? Being tossed aside as if you were never there in the first place. Only a few people on here have actually seen my face. They know who they are. :] And I honestly dont have a very high self esteem...
The feeling i just described above is something that i was always so used to. Because no one would want to listen. Sometimes i still feel that way. Back then, I loved to smile, and laugh, and play. But these days sometimes it's hard. I try and try but sometimes i just CANT. And it hurts me so much because i love to smile and love to see others smile. At one point in my life, i just wanted to kill myself because everything was just going so wrong...everything out of place. I couldnt take it all in at once.......
Why is it that it's so easy just to give up on everything than to work hard and try to make everything right? One question where I havent been given an answer.
I dont have a lot of people in my life. The really important ones are gone or simply to far away from me. Life is hard I know that already. But still...i want to make something good out of it.
Every day I slowly lose someone i love the most. Rather it's one of my friends, or my family. My mother being more specific. I realize im going like everywhere but this is my thought. Continue reading if you want :]
Hehe my mom. The very woman that gave life to me. Is the person that hates me the most. Once i remembered when i was smaller i asked my mom "Why didn't you have another baby?"
Her response to me..."One mistake is enough, i dont need another one."
Something that will haunt me for the rest of my days. What I am.
A Mistake. A failure. A slut. An Idiot.
She has so many names for me. But it's okay. I still love her. She's the one that taught me to potty :]
True. My mother hasnt really been there for me a lot....actually...almost ever. And she doesnt understand me. She hasnt gone through what i have.
She's never been raped. She's never been shot. She's never been stabbed. She hasnt been into bloody fights. And she hasnt endured true heartbreak.
I dont think my mother ever held her best friend in her arms...and watched him fade away. Something taken away from her so fast.....I know my mom. She's always played it safe. But that's not necessary a bad thing. I' glad that none of these things happen to her. Still i wish she could understand.
Throughout the years. I've fallen in love and got my heart broken...over...and over...and over. I've been with a lot of people. And with all those people to them i was nothing but an object. I was so tired of falling for guys who dont fall back. Then...came along....what was to be the love of my life. Both of us...afriad to fall in love again..all because of previous experiences. But there we were. Sitting, talking, laughing. I have to be honest with one thing though. He fell in love with me before i did him. [Yes we've talked about when we first fell in love and everything with eachother] He hardly knew me and already he was falling in love. But i could say no different. I liked his company, someone who's been through what I've been through. Just after a couple of weeks meeting eachother. We were already dating. The funny thing is. It was on my birthday. :]
We've had our ups and downs
But never got angry at one another
No serious arguments. We both just cant be mad at the other. No matter how bad we might have messed up. I never thought I would ever become so attached to someone so quickly. It's almost inhuman :] But look at us now. Two people who were so afraid to fall in love has now been together for 11 months. It's almost like a dream come true isnt it? heart
Everyone in my life has made an impact on me. Although I havent found my purpose in life yet. I'll stick together with my family, friends....and my true love. And let's find it together.
Thank you for being there for me when I always needed you most. You are all so dear to me in every way. Thank you. heart
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