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Friends With Benefits...Public version! |
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Yes, the title is as it seems. I have a private journal for an article I wrote back in January or February about Friends With Benefits (FWB), but since then, I look back, read it, and see some things I should correct. However now, I have no problem publishing this version.
Friends With Benefits (FWB), sounds like fun doesn't it? You and a friend go, romp around sexually, and still remain friends. Sounds easy, doesn't it? Wrong. I have been in this kind of thing, and let me tell you...There is a lot to this.
First of all, my view. I see it as something that is fine. But I also see it as an evil as well with certain people. Some people will use this as a way to decide if they like someone or not, and this is fine. Others however who use it just for them, when they want it, not considering the other...They need to be slapped. You are abusing the guy, and that is WRONG! The same goes vice versa.
Now, you're a FWB, and things are fine, that's swell! But, don't let things go on whims when you only want it, but make the time for the other as well. No, you're not a whore for doing so, but you're being considerate! If you act on your own, you are selfish as all hell. Don't let things go on whims, but try to plan it, keep it going. Hey, if you're having fun, why not plan it?
This is probably the BIGGEST problem in ALL FWB relationships, and leads to their downfalls...Lack of communication. Don't assume the other knows where to stop, when to stop, when to ask, etc. Tell them! People are not psychic, we need to know our limits and boundary's. If you let things go without telling, then there is EASILY some misunderstandings, and things can get out of control. But this also means telling WHAT you expect, and what you want to happen as well. If one wants one thing, and the other doesn't, that needs to be talked about ASAP. If one is talking about it nonstop and you are uncomfy, SAY SOMETHING! If you say nothing, it is a sign to the other saying "Hey, they haven't said back off, so I can continue". Don't go blaming the other person when this happens, you only can blame yourself for not saying anything. SHAME ON YOU!
Now, if things need to be ended, you better have a damn good reason, cause the other could be quite upset at this. If it's because you're uncomfy, think. Did you cause it? Did the other cause it? Who is to blame? You need to identify the cause before you say it. If it's something that can be fixed, try and fix it. Don't let things die cause of one little thing.
Now, the hardest part of a FWB is if it is with someone who likes you, or vice versa. If this is the case, remind them it means nothing, you're only friends, and this is for fun. But don't do it in a manor that crushes him, god no. That is a last ditch thing.
My COMPLETE overhaul after all this: If you want it, go for it. But keep in mind the other persons needs and wants. Don't be selfish, I can NOT stress that enough! Plan things out, don't let it be on whims. Remember, if you're having fun, why not plan it? You plan to hang out with friends, and that is fun, so this is no different. Do talk though, about EVERY LITTLE ASPECT of this! Don't assume the other knows everything. Don't let things end over one thing either. Talk things out. But remember, NEVER, EVER be selfish with this and do it on your schedule only. You are just being controlling, and no one likes that once they find out. You will only get people to hate you.
 Djv9013 · Thu Mar 27, 2008 @ 05:36am · 0 Comments |
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