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Yes, that's right, I could not resist that small pun. Seriously, guys, if you did not expect that, then you do not know me well enough...you probably also wouldn't know that I will be chuckling about this for hours, because I seem to be a real sucker for puns (especially the visual ones). Oh, they tickle me so *wipes away tear*.

Getting to the point of this entry; more so, the relevance to the title (I'm pretty sure that my titles link to the crap I rant and ramble about, right? If not, I should try to work on that more). I believe I have made a rather idiotic decision and I've finally devised a small plan of attack. The only factor in my way is time and that should step aside soon enough (pun!)

[SIDE THOUGHT] God, I have too much time on my hands if I'm actually posting it to confirm my decision rather than drowning it out with work or classes. [/SIDE THOUGHT]

Anyway, I've partially decided to grow some back bone (I'd say balls, but I'm apparently renting them to Junsui right now) and...well...

You cannot believe how hard this is for me to say openly (much less type...seriously, my thoughts and fingers are preventing me from getting on with the point! STOP TYPING THIS USELESS GARBLE DAMN YOU! STOP RIGHT NOW!!!)

yurtynnyvyquug;rbdj vg4hto[87y479843pntHUHVUAENLLNUANLRNGALH!!!!

I'm going to ask someone out x.x (Good GOD that was hard!).

The reason that it is so hard for me to say that is because I don't really like the looks or attention I get when I say anything even remotely close to romantic. They always smile in some semi-knowing look and start to poke fun at me for breaking down my own barriers (or something to that effect). And if they're NOT poking fun at me, they're hugging me and/or getting all girly-excited to such a point that I actually feel like I've eaten three whole chocolate cakes (white, followed by milk-chocolate, then strait fudge without any milk..Hey, I should write commercials for the old 'Got Milk?' slogans).

For the few rare times that I've performed similar acts, I literally forced myself to stop because I couldn't take it. Not only the pressure of ridiculous emotions that are hard to keep a lid on, but everyone pressuring me to do something about it. This doesn't even breach the amount of difficulty I feel when I do this. The most unfortunate part of it is that I feel like I've gone and cut a damned limb off. A disgusting, infected limb, but one that I would have preferred to keep...God, I have no experience in this field whatsoever...*rubs temples*

So! I've made my ********' decision, so I'm going to go through with it when the opportunity arises. I discussed this thoroughly with myself, and we believe that I need to stop waiting for one of those talk-to-you-over-here-away-from-people moments, because those are increasingly hard to manage and seem to only make things even more uncomfortable (but it sure makes you feel better when you know someone is watching you expectantly from behind...I swear the feeling of eyes burning holes into your back DOES NOT make you feel like they're there for emotional support). This means that I am going to kick-start my sorry a** and flat-out ask without bothering to move far away from everyone. I'm just going to walk right up and and lay it on the line for him. BUT!! If I feel like a friend is watching EVER SO INTENTLY, I am going to start by asking if I could have a word alone and hope to kill said friend with glares if they keep trying to listen. I'm sure you all know who you are...*raises two fingers to eyes and points directly to friends and mouths 'I'm ********' watching you!'*

Now that I've pulled that off of my chest, I'd like to tone it down a notch and ask a somewhat huge and selfish favor x_x I never ask for much, guys, so I really hope you're alright with my ridiculous request, because it really is too much to ask.

Don't let me lose sight of it. Please. I'm such a forgetful mess on my own, I'm terrified that I'm going to get caught up in my own little world if I'm not careful. I might forget to finish that damned report on Charles Darwin, or to help anyone with a project that I promised, or to get my transcripts to the college I'm applying for, or even forget to put on some ******** pants! Please don't let me forget!

I've always been afraid of forgetting, because it seems to happen to me so often and it's really ruined my life on multiple occasions. Hell, I think it's the very reason why I'm such a useless lump right now. I forget everything. I even forget to take care of myself if I'm not going to hang out with you guys or going to work (I won't shower or eat until hunger finally manages to make a connection to my brain). In all honesty, I've been pulling myself out of bed for the last few years for you guys. If I didn't have friends, I would have probably let myself fall into a coma several years ago. Since I don't really give a rats a** for suicide, I would just sleep until someone pulled the plug on me.

Morbid? Yes. Honest? ...You wouldn't even believe.