Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

It really got me to thinking about lots of different things that I've never really thought about before....
Our country is a very interesting one to watch....
Dang it...forgot my spanish homework at school...looks like I'm doing it at lunch tomorrow....

Okay, so yeah it was really a very interesting speech. To tell the truth in the past I really haven't kept track or ever heard President Bush speak before in his past seven years in office. So, I never before realized that he is not nearly so bad as everyone claims him to be. After hearing him talk I see that he thinks similarly to myself and that he believes, (as far as I can tell from what I heard) the economy needs to be fixed now if it is ever going to be fixed in the future. I feel bad for him, always being put down by everyone, when its really not his fault that he came into office at such a bad time. This is a time during which politics are destructive and mud slinging is everywhere. No one can win for themselves without putting down their competition first, and that really makes me sad. Can't you just tell people what you would like to do, and let them decide for themselves whether they think that is good or not? Do you want your personal backgrounds that you made a small mistake on being blown up and shoved into the face of the public? Didn't think so, so why do it to someone else? Some people may not care about this, but I know that I for one wouldn't want people saying that I'm immoral and a terrible person because I think about the negatives to fixing things in America. The real terrible thing is putting someone else down to make yourself look better, is that the only way that you can look good? To look not good on your own, but good in comparisson? Isn't that a little sad? It's really sad to me.

I used to watch the political commercials and make small not solid decisions on who I would vote without any research based on the commercials that I saw without mud slinging, and I'm really sad to say that it becomes harder and harder to make decisions that way each year. Both sides are sligning mud, and it never gets any better. It gets to a point that I can no longer watch the commericals or tv at all during election periods because I'm so disgusted by the mud slinging. It's despicable to me and I just don't believe there is any time that it is okay. Let someone else be the one responsible for telling the people about someone else's bad points, don't be involved in it at all. We all have little mistakes that we made, and most of the times the things that I see them trashing other people about is decisions that they made in office. Every argument has two or more sides to it, and if people would look closer at it, it's very easy to see that they have very good reasons for doing the things that they did.

I get to times like this in my brain that I really realize how differently I think than everyone else that I know with the exception of maybe two people. I see something, or I read something and I think about it later in a realistic and logical way. For example, I'm currently reading the Kite Runner for my L.A. class, and its a very good book, with a lot of things to think about in it. Almost all of my class has said that they hate the main character, all of them for their own reasons I'm sure, but when I read the story and think about it, I can't see a big reason to hate him. I believe that he has done the things that he has done because he had to, and that in his position there was really not too much else that he could do. And if he had done something, yeah that would have been much better, but haven't you looked back on something big that you decided against in your life and wished that you had done something differently? Some people are blessed with not having been stuck in that sort of situation, but I'll bet that group of people is very small. The main character, Amir, feels very bad and guilty after not having done anything, I can tell that he does, and I see that he punishes himself for it everyday.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense, XD Read the book and then come back someday.

I'm sure there are a lot of people, myself included that wish we had done something differently, but I have come to the conclusion with myself that everything happens for a reason. While I don't take this religiously serious, (doesn't really have much to do with religion yet, I'm getting there in my rant, I'm just using that word to show that while it is something I belive I don't live it as the only thing I can believe) I take it to heart with a grain of salt; maybe that's a better way of saying it. I have seen looking back in my life, all these little things that have greatly affected my life that started as little events that I might not have realized at that point in time. There are some people that would say I'm thinking about it too deeply and that its not really something that huge, to me it is. I see the results and proof in my life, and there isn't much evidence otherwise at this current time. Now, here's the part where the grain of salt comes in. I won't leave something to just happen, because I don't believe that it just will. Sorry, 99.9% of the time it won't just happen while you sit and watch it. I have to do something and take a step in the right direction in order to get to where I want to be in my life. Stuff doesn't just happen on its own, you have to give it the starting push.

Another thing, and if you're religious I suggest you stop reading now, because I hate, hate, hate making these arguments with people, because you're never going to change my mind. I've taken almost 10 years of thought into this and your ten minute argument before you get annoyed at me isn't going to help. You can keep reading, I can't stop you, this is a free country for the time being, but please be aware that I'm not going to respond to arguments on this topic. I've done this before with a particularly agressive arguer and it was really annoying because she wouldn't even listen to my argument, instead just yelling her points at me. I tuned her out and I haven't talked to her since. If you care to know I've known her for three years and talked to her every once and a while, and then it happened this summer and I just gave up.

Okay, bottom line, I do not believe that there is a god. There, I've said it, that's pretty much the closest I've gotten to saying it out loud. I'm surrounded by a lot of people who regularly go to church and are pretty god whatever you want to call it. I'm not sure what they think I think, but its prolly not what they think. Hey, maybe he really does exist and by saying this and thinking this I am &%#& you know where that's going I'm sure. But, my mind is set and I'm not planning on changing my views any time in the future. I don't believe that things can just, "be god's will." How can anyone be happy with that kind of thinking? I myself can't understand that, and it just doesn't seem like something I can believe in. I can't handle letting someone that I have no clue who he is, (keep in mind that I have only rarely been to church maybe 4-5 times, so that may be part of it, but when I do go, I listen with an open mind, and have yet to be convinced, and most of the time I am just annoyed to have to go and listen) and I don't believe he has much influence in my life. Well, I have to say that before I was more set in my mind I did somewhat believe in god, but not in the way that I think lots of other people do. I think that someone who could just create things "and it was good," is just very unrealistic. Ultimate power just doesn't make sense in my mind. Sure, there could have been a flood, hey there was an ice age and heat waves, so who can say that there wasn't a flood? I'm just saying that I don't believe any, "higher force" had something to do with it. I believe that people should be able to do what they want, and if they believe that by killing someone that's somehow good, then good for them I guess. It's each person's own moral values that matter to me, and if some "god" can make people less likely to kill people then so be it, that's good for me I guess. Now there's just the whole getting all the other people out there in third world countries to realize that. And even here in the U.S. too, we're far from perfect here. Moral values of the individual people are what's going to fix things in my life, if you can live with the guilt of having done something bad, that's good for you, I just don't want to have to live with you. I once stole a candy bar from a store when I was young, before Kindergarten I believe, I don't really remember how old I was, what I do remember is that I wanted it so bad that I had to take it, I stuffed the candy bar into my pocket and ran after my mom who had said, "NO" and walked away towards the exit. I caught up to her and walked happily and proudly to the car, feeling the aluminum foil of the candy bar happily in my pocket. But, as soon as I got to the car I looked at the now melted candy bar that I pulled out of my pocket. My mom was distracted driving, so she didn't see me and my siblings hadn't come with us. As soon as I saw the melted chocolate, I immediately felt a wave of guilt crashing over me, was I really that spoiled, had I really just stolen something from a store because I wanted it and wouldn't accept "NO" from my mom? Yeah, I had, and there was no taking that back now, we were almost home at this point in time, and I couldn't go and put it back in the store now. I felt so guilty that I just threw my treasured candy bar into the back of the van that we were driving and tried to firget about it. It didn't help, I'm still guilty about it now, I've never told anyone about a lot of the stuff that you're reading in here right now, so be aware of that. More than (or maybe less than, like I said, not sure) ten years later, and I'm still guilty about stealing that fifty cent candy bar, the bottom of my stomach leaden with unshared and unforgiven guilt. That one thing that happened to me so many years ago has taught me to listen to this voice that tells me that what I did was wrong, and when that voice is telling me something to listen and stop doing the bad thing. I don't think that anything came about from stealing that candy bar, other than me learning to never steal something, I never heard about it if something did.

But you see, that little thing, although its not something that is so little to me. That could become something huge to a political person, "this person stole so they have no morals." That would greatly offend me, because I believe myself to have very strong morals that I live by every day. I try to do my best to make my friends smile no matter what. Even if I look stupid in the process, even if I have to stand up to someone who may later hate me for it, I can't stand by and watch my friends being sad or in pain, even if for doing something about it, I later feel terrible and guilt-ridden. Now, don't go thinking that I would kill someone about it, no I mean that later I feel sad about it, becasue even though that little thing that I did, those little things that I always do don't seem to mean much to anyone else. Most of the time I'm okay with that. Seeing that all my little acts of kindness always go unnoticed, the fact that I choose not to say something mean that I'm thinking and instead choose to take the optomist path of things, and then someone turns around and tells me that I'm "unrealistic." Yeah, well at least I'm going to be happier about it I guess. I can be easily frustrated, but I hold it in until later when I can go into my head and think about it more. Sure, my friends may not really appreciate all the things that I do and give up for them, but I know, and that's what's going to matter to me later, even if ten years from now they don't remember. That's fine with me for the time being, even though I can get pretty depressed and angered about it from time to time. (I'm repeating myself so much here because to me this is a topic that I tend to dwell on a lot.) The main thing that really stresses me out is the friends that I have that refuse to be cheered up, they'll dwell in their own unhappinesses that I'm not allowed to dwell in. I'm not allowed to be as depressed as I often feel, because I have to be the happy and cheery one that no one else can be. No one else can be happy like me, have a completely glass half-full view, I'm unique and I have to share that half-full-edness with others to make them happier. My refuge is myself, my mind that I often talk to and have conversations with, I talk things through with myself until I understand things in a more logical way than before, and that works for me. Sometimes friends listen, but other times I find that no matter how good I am with words, I can't figure out how to explain it for them. That's why I type things out here, you can read and see if you can understand me. If you can, then I know that I can explain my points of view and have a logical conversation with you that will make me very happy. ^_^ I enjoy getting to type all of this stuff out, and in a way it organizes my thoughts in an odd sort of way. My brain is a complicated place, but I do my best to make it simple for eeryone who wants to read.

Um, I'm a little thought out right now, and its getting kinda late, so if I feel like it, I'll continue this rant tomorrow. It started out as talking about the Union Address, but now I've gotten into talking about things that no one else knows about myself. Think about it as you will, and do with it what you will, I'll be here continuing to rant for quite a while if I have anything to say or do about it. :3

Thanks for reading if you did. ^_^