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	Haruki's journal fun times...
	Haruki's journal fun times...

	Story time...
	Story time...


So, I am going to start writing... or at least try to do so... I just noticed that the green background really makes my avi pop... Here it goes. The Last Supper She sat there, tears welling in her eyes a she looked up at him. "Why," she pleaded, "... does our love mean nothing?" He turned, gun in hand, only to see her fear-struck face. He cocked the gun. "It's not you, it's me," he said with irony in his tone. "Maybe we can still be friends," he continued. As she sat there, she noticed his true nature, a phsycopathic murderer who she let into her heart. She wanted to scream, call for help, do anything to escape her captor, but she couldn't find the strength to even move. She was not bound, but something kept her there, some strange force. Fear, hatred, uncertanty, love, all these emotions were her chains. "So, what should we do for dinner," he said as he polished his gun. "We really can't go out 'cause i'm broke," he continued. " 'What should we eat for dinner?'" She asked rhetorically, "You're going to kill me and all you can do is think about food?!" She screamed. "Well, I'm hungry, and no one wants to die on an empty stomache, am I right?" he asked. Words betrayed her at that moment, she could find no answer to his question. All she could do is wonder how she could love a man that cold hearted. Then she remembered. All the good times they shared, all the romantic dinners and movies, and all the candy and roses,all of them invaded her thoughts as she sat there silent. "W...Wh... Why?" she stuttered once more thinking of the love she once shared with him. He stopped polishing his handgun and paused for a moment..."It's what i do." he answered. In that moment she found hope, his once evil grin had changed to a stern face. This, she knew, meant he had recalled the good times, and for that one moment, almost regretted his decision. Well, that's all for tonight, I'll write more tomorrow, please comment if you wish. haruki_jitsunin · Thu Jun 30, 2005 @ 09:31am · 3 Comments


haruki_jitsunin Community Member «Prev \| Next» Archive \| Home [11/04/09 07:57pm] [10/13/09 09:03am] [04/30/09 11:29am] [03/30/09 07:48am] [02/24/09 12:49pm] [12/23/08 11:18pm] [11/17/08 10:12am] [09/10/08 09:55am] [08/16/08 10:01am] [06/20/08 10:43am]

	User Comments: [3]
	User Comments: [3]


	Hmm...it's..."different." Maybe "..irony in his tone" should be "sarcasm" instead. Is this the prolougue? Some writers offer something like this at the beginning of a story, then they start all the way at the beginning again with the events that lead up to this. Very movie-like. 3nodding I would really have to see more of the story to form a better opinion of it, or to give more suggestions. At this point, I really have no idea where the story is going, or, for that matter, where it all began. But, from what I can see just here in this snippet: I suppose I'm a bit turned off by the cliches...."Does our love mean nothing...?" And the male character seems a bit flimsy I guess...I can't tell who he is; if this is comedy or tragedy you're trying to show us. Try to get the audience to think and know what you want them to think and know. 3nodding Offline The Lexy One · Community Member · Thu Jun 30, 2005 @ 02:40pm


	I am actually using this as a prolugue I guess you can say... I am going to go back and tell what led up to this. This is, however, a short story so I can't make it very long... At this point the male character is supposed to seem almost comedical because he is insane. So at this point it is a mixture of comedy and tradgedy, soon to move to a tradgedy. Thank you for your comment. P.S. I would change it to sarcasm instead of irony if it were a different type of story like if the girl broke up with the guy. This story isn't about the girl breaking up with the guy, it's different. When the story continues, you'll be able to see it. Offline haruki_jitsunin · Community Member · Thu Jun 30, 2005 @ 05:46pm


	I agree with Lexy that it's a little hard to make a complete judgment on the story at this point as well as that it needs to try to steer clear from cliches. Although, judging by the way it's going, you could actually use the cliches for a twist of irony since the story is actually surprising and the guy IS insane. But make sure to exaggerate this if you're going to use it. I saw elements of this when he says "It's not you, it's me" and "Maybe we can still be friends" while pointing a gun at her sweatdrop . It's like it's mocking certain cliches. The confusion of the girl in the story projects itself onto the audience well, I think, just through the situation. Play this up as well since it's a good element. I'm interested in seeing more of this guy's insanity 3nodding Offline PrincessNeko · Community Member · Thu Jun 30, 2005 @ 06:59pm

	User Comments: [3]
	User Comments: [3]

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