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Hey Kevin. How are you? I hope your day was good like you wanted it to be. Its what 9:45pm, and my day.. night what ever has totally turned inot s**t. I love being here, dont get me wrong, but theres something really weird going on, and i dont knwo how to explain it.

I woke up at 4.. sorta late on my part, went back to sleep. Woke up at 5:15am. My dad was freaking out because we had to leave. So i threw on some dirty clothes grabbed the nearest pants and clothes i could find. Threw em in my bag and grabbed my computer. Put everything in the truck, and then Craig showed up so we left. The entire way up, i was listening to Secondhand seranade, and dashboard confessional. oh yeah Anberline, of sourse. Grr... i think i may have blown out one of the ear pieces for my ipod, but im over it guess. I mean i got 60 bucks today so i could "go shopping" eh what ever, i mean its not like id have time.

So we arrive at my dad's shop and i was at his desk, and saw pictures on Craigs desk of some one in army suits... i take a close look and it was tony and "idaho/hollister" his friend i gave him that nickname .. a few months ago. funny but weird story. Any ways i started to cry then Craig walked in so i had to play it cool. Kevin (my cousin) called and said he REALLY wants to see me so he and his father (my uncle) were going to pick me up.

So .... (getting bitched at right this moment and i want to break down so bad)

Okay anyways. So i had to get my stuff from the truck meet them by the gate. So when they got here me and Kevin ******** around and were doing our usual jackassish behavior. So my dad agve me a hug by and i did what i always do when im around phillip (my uncle) i clamp onto him, as if i were being dragged away by force. I ahte leaving my dad, i know he doesnt liek my uncle let alone this side of the family. I just ... idk the look in his eyes its horrible, its like as if you were a dad, and the doctors said your first born was ill, ripping it from your hands and walk away saying, btw... its dying and wont last 5 minutes. i mean... its so hard to see that look.

I remmeber coming home from France, and all i did when i got off the plain was scream "daddy" and run to him and hug hiim to tighly. I mean i didnt leave his side for weeks. And when he was gone, id sit in his clothset on his side just so i could at least smell him, and be close to something that was closest to him. And im crying but i dont want to wake Meme up and i dont want "grandma" to come down here and ask questions and do more bullshit.

So any ways, we took kevin to school, then we came home... Then i had to say hi to every one. ive been leaving my stuff in the truck whhich i dont think i should have seeing as theyd steel my money and what ever else they could find. So i came down stair hung with percy (my older cousin) and i was online all day.

Percy left to go to some graduation for her new boyfriends older brother. And "grandma" was trying to get me to eat, i havent eaten and i dont want to. im worried... i just feel something isnt right today. So i sat her, she kept asking me to eat and drink s**t and im like, no im not hungry no i dont drink soda, im allergic to milk, orange juice, and chocolate, i cant no thank you. And there is NEVER any food when shes here because she controls all the money and bullshit, long story.... itd take time for you to understand kevin it really would and i hate this side of the family for all the bullshit i will have to deal with, and the fact they think im so clueless. its dumb i ahte it so much.

So "grandma" and i had to go get a fax, she made me go so i could pick it up and so she wouldnt have to show her face at her sons work just because she wasnt wearing make up, shes so superfical its disgusting! i mean really... i cant stand her for how she is, its not as bad as being around my aunt, but ******** its so close. She got me a taco at Del Taco, and that was... at 9am. that was the first and last thing ive eaten all day.

So we go home after the post office, and then my dad calls me, and hes like "walk down the hill, ill be you there in 5minutes" im like uhhhh... okay? so i found out phillip and his mom had left so i told cathy (my aunt) that my dad was on his way and ill be back later. So i walked out and i left. he picked me up and took me to the gear shop. Stupid "granny" wont buy me ridding gear, because my class ring was my graduation/birthday present even tho i got it for ******** x-mas you dumb ******** bicth, god giveyour son every god damn thing his lil heart wants and... s**t i cant even get a ******** helmet??? what ever, my dad baught it for me.

its all black,a nd silver and white s**t, it all matches so it looks good. on the way home phill called saying "oh so where are you? huh? are you with your dad? is he getting you something? whats he getting you?" im like yeah ill be home in a few bye. *click* its like, oh boo hoo just cuz i wont wear your ******** s**t the world stops, im sorry my daddy lloves me, too bad so sad your ******** up of a brother screwed his life upm, but he cant ruin mine. I love my daddy too much to let s**t happen.

So get home, and cathy's all "oh wow thats so sweet of him, how come he baught you that we hae stuff you could barrow" im like " yeah well uh... hm, you see we plan on goin together soon, so its better to get it now then wait" really when my dad has something on his mind, hes not happy until hes god damn hapy. and i love that about him. when he wants something he goes for it and gets it. Oh well...

So eveyr one comes home, kevin runs down stairs to hang with me and he sees all my stuff, seeing as i was wearing it, and he goes "youre so lucky, that all brand new? whatd you get it for? gosh your spoiled" and when i think about it i am spoiled coomapred to him, fucikng "grandma" ignores him, never gets him birthday/x-mas gifts... she sorta "hates" him in her own way. its really sad. im the favorite because of the mistakes that were made in this family, and im the last. yeah i know you dont understand but... one day when im able to tell the huge ******** story ill share iy. hardly any one knows anything, and i think you know the most. not sure..

So then phill and cathy go to the grocery store,a nd when they get back, kevin throws a b***h fit so he doesnt have to do s**t, then they made me get the groceries and put them away, im thinking to myself this isnt my hosue and im not their b***h. oh well ill be nice, so i did it. But i left the food that doesnt need to go in the fridge out thinking theyd do it, and i guess i forgot some meat of dip and phill got pissed off and started to b***h to his mom and i found out because his wife said a sly comment he didnt catch.

So after that he made me and kevin cook but once agin kevin bitched so i was forced to cook alone, then kevin hekped but stopped after 2minutes. then phill made me de-bone ******** chicken breasts, and i already hate cleaning things so.. eh whate evr i did that too, then he goes "ohg you know what... i want more, get the chicken outa the fridge and clean those and then put brunos (dog) food in the microwave and then ill give it to him" im thinking to myself, ive NEVER done this shitty work here, ive never beeen asked to do anything. And i had the urge to hit him.

So i got done, and ive been blacking out aall day, i was getting dizzy and i still am, im in a cold sweat and if i ... well i have no amune system so not liek it matters.. just if i do anything else that causes stress mono will come back, i mean ive already got some symptoms. which sucks. so i went down stair and i lef the comoputer on and cathy was on, when shes not supposed to be. Then she got off andf i came on, we were taalking and i told her i was getting light headed so she called phill and told him to pick us up dinner for all of us. and he agreed then "grandma" called him and started to yell saying they "Nicole can eat soemthing here" when i never asked to get soething i was mentionign how i felt.

So then a fight broke out and im definetly not gong to eat now and kevins home which means hell see this so i g2g.

good night i guess? ttyl.... or monday?