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that was by far one of the best shows ever.
Durango95, C.B. Militia & Agent Orange were bloody brilliant.

C.B. Militia played first, then Durango95, then two ultra shitty bands played, then Agent Orange!!

one of my favorite parts of night was when, Smilin' Andrew (vocals of Durango95) leaned down while singing and kissed me. it was wonderful. he also pulled my hair, in a very good way.

he and i will probably hook up. i don't doubt it.

haha.

oh, and my dear friend Leah (bassist of C.B. Militia) kicked a**!! she is one of the coolest people i'll ever know. love her to death!!

i met alot of awesome people, took a couple bodies to the head, did some killer stage-dives, smoked alot of cigs, kissed a gorgeous guy, and chilled with some lovely friends..that night will remain in my memory forever.

can't wait for the next Durango95 show.

later kiddos.

oxox BIG!!

I'm having a very blah day.

Everything just seems to go wrong.

Not that it much matters, because everything is always going wrong lately, but today just seems pure blah...more so than most days.

Oh well.

As I said, it doesn't much matter, beacuse no one really cares.

In the dark I stay.
Looking every way.
Fearing what might be coming 'round.
As a leaf drifts to the ground.
I sit in the cold and wait.
Alone by the rusted gate.
Can anyone hear the breaths I take?
Can anyone see me dance across the frozen lake?
Is there anyone other than me?
I fear I'm the only one left to be.

If you're out there come find me please!
Will anyone lay with me in the trees? Or dance in their leaves?
Lonliness is taunting me.
Haunting my dreams.
So, if you're out there, come find me!

Rain pours from the skies.
Like tears from my eyes.
I'm still alone. All on my own.
The winds begin to moan.
I step into the cemetery.
What I see is rather scary.
Written on the stones, the names of the ones I love.
I wilt like a fallen dove.
And I can't breathe.
Fall onto my knees.
Close my eyes and drop my head.
Why'd it have to be the one thing I dread?

I hear a voice, "Wake up it'a alright."
I open my eyes, I hug her tight.
It was all just a dream.
Promise you'll never leave me.
Promise you'll answer when your names I call.
I love you all.
To lose the ones I love is my biggest fear.
I never want to live my nightmare of tears.

Yes, actually, a s**t load has happened.

Evan and I are completely over, I'm sure now. I'm still somewhat saddened over that whole thing, although it's been months. However, I'm pretty sure that I'm over him. And yet now I can't seem to forget Joe, my first love.

Joe was pretty much my everything, I'd give anything, and I mean ANYTHING to be with him again. He and I are friends now, very near and dear friends, but I can't help but want it to be more. Whenever we talk on the tele before we hang up, we always say, "I love you." The beautiful thing is we both mean it. The terrible thing is we can't be together right now because he has too much s**t going down, with his family and these people, but I won't get into that.

I hope with all my heart and soul that one day soon, he and I will be together again, and everything will be beautiful. Like the way it once was not too long ago.


Now this is where things get confusing and please don't take this the wrong way, my boyfriend, er, semi-boyfriend (we're on a break-ish thing), Brandon says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want him to hate me, but at the same time, I want soo badly to be with Joe. So, I think I might have to deal with the pain I'll be causing both myself and Brandon, just to be with my dear Joe once again.

All of this seems foolish and horrid and I know this to be true. It's soo ******** up, I tried to do the best but it's actually the worst thing I could ever do.


Not to mention I got arrested, expelled, and I ran away from home. (well, I ran away for awhile anyway.)

I won't get into details but everything is really ******** up.

Things are better now, but still ******** up, ultra shitty to be exact.

Well, there it is. I let a s**t load out.

Whether you care or not, whatever that's up to you. But I needed to get things out and I did it here. So blah.

That's right...

I'm still hurt...

Evan and I broke up a few weeks ago, and I still cry...

He's only person I've ever actually loved...

And there is still Pat, I like him vair much but I still love Evan...

Everything's a mess and nothing makes sense...

I wish I could be in Evan's arms again, then everything would be okay...

I miss him, and I love him and I simply can't live without him!

Ahhhh!

So...

I'm not able to see my lovely Evan very much because we live soo far apart...

Well not too far, like 3 or 4 hours apart, if there's no traffic...

But I miss him vair much...

And then there's a guy named Pat...

Eh...I like him, a tad bit...

And he lives closer to me than Evan...

But I love Evan...

Ahh!

So damn confusing!!!

GrR...

Oh well...

It'll all work out, I hope...

Ta...

Depressed and Im not quite certain as to why...

And in not knowing, I become more depressed...

Somedays, I enjoy this emotion and others, I can't stand it...

This is one of the days in which I can't stand it...

And it's not easy to explain, so I can't just go to my song journal and write about it...

Ah!

I dislike this with a passion...

If only I could better understand why I'm depressed...

But of course I will in time...

Until then I shall lay in the emptiness and continue to exist in this dull thing called, life...

Until my shattered soul learns to pick up the shards once again...

Ta...

heart Autumn Renae


Slit my wrist and call me pretty...

Well...

I was supposed to go to the mall with my Mum today...

But I have to babysit instead...

Pretty shitty deal...

But oh wellz...

I'm so bloody bored, there is pretty much nothing to do...

And ah!

This blows like mad!

Well...

I still might be able to hang with my friend, Fiona, today...

But as for the mall, there is always tomorrow...


heart Autumn Renae

There is no one like him...

And I don't plan on finding anyone else like him...

I love him soo much...

There is no person ever that could compare to my lovely Evan...

I don't care if you think it's stupid or whatever...

He writes me lovely poetry, and I do the same for him...

And I can't wait to see him again...

So to all you people that continue to try and hook up with me, you're wasting your time, I have found my lovely and I don't need nor do I want anymore...

I don't need anyone but him...

I love Evan!

heart Autumn Renae