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Actual Letters Sent to Television Station Video Program Directors by the Matches in 2005.
Remember when you were going to buy a lottery ticket because the prize had
gotten so big, and remember how you didn't know which numbers to choose? And
remember how I said to use the numbers in your phone number and your address?
And remember how you did that and then you won millions? Millions! Remember
that?
Well, you still owe me.
So when are you going to play my video?
= = = =
Remember when you said you needed money and you had this great idea about
scamming a fast food place. But remember you said you had to somehow find a
human finger that you could plant in a Wendy's Chili and claim you bit into
it? And remember I said I'd help you, you could cut off the tip of one of my
fingers if you needed. Remember that?
Well, you still owe me.
So when are you going to play my video?
= = = =
Remember how everyone made fun of your hair all the time?. Remember that I
didn't? (well, except that one time at Jen's party, but, come on, that was a
particularly weird day even for your hair.)
Well, you still owe me.
So when are you going to play my video?
= = = =
Remember when you were downed behind enemy lines in World War II and I
volunteered to learn German in 6 weeks so I could get parachuted in with a
German uniform and find you and say you were being taken back
to headquarters and then we'd meet the boat at the harbor on the night of the
rendezvous? And remember how the plans got all messed up because that one cook
got suspicious with you limping like that and me helping you walk, so we
missed the pick-up time, and, instead, I stole that U-boat and we made it out
alone in the middle of the night?
Well, you still owe me.
So when are you going to play my video?
= = = =
Remember when we were on that picnic and that swarm of bees started to attack,
and you were crying and couldn't run anymore, so I took off my shirt and let
you run ahead and gave my back to the bees so that you could get to the car first?
Well, you still owe me.
So when are you going to play my video?
= = = =
Remember when we were in that small plane your uncle owned, going down to the
Caribbean for the weekend? And remember when he had a heart attack and died
while piloting the plane and we crashed in the ocean and we were floating in
that little raft for three days with just a bottle of Snapple and half of an
energy bar and by the morning of the third day you thought you couldn't make
it and you were going on and on about how hungry and thirsty you were so I let
you have my rations because you wouldn't shut up? And hours and hours later,
just when it was getting dark, we were spotted by that tanker and were saved.
And remember how you said you didn't think you would have made it through that
last day without my share of the food? Remember that?
Well, you still owe me.
So when are you going to play my video?
 FuxKMe · Thu Jan 22, 2009 @ 02:22am · 0 Comments |
