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Well its another morning that I wake up, only to see that its a reality that shes not here.
Sigh.
Im working so that I can have enough money to make it on my own with her. Living is so expensive.. And it makes it all the much harder so that we get time together.

(a little info for the people who have no idea whats going on.. I met her online like.. 6 years ago. Weve been together for 5 of those years. She lived in NV, Im in OH. We visited eachother at least once a year, and all of the visiting (months) probably only adds up to like 2 years. Recently, in April(?) she came to me.. and it was decided that this was it. She was going to live with me and my family temp. until we saved enough money to get a place. Well, in a nutshell, my father was the one who drove her away. Being a b*****d, not letting us rest, always had to work. So now shes in CA (where her mom moved to).)

So my job pretty much almost makes me forget that I dont have a lover to come home to.. But when I do get home, shes not there to welcome me, kiss me, ask how my day was..
Its been 3 days and it seems like months have gone by. I sleep with her shirt on, a picture of her by my pillow, my stuffed animal. Its not the same, it doesnt replace her.
I know I can probably go visit in January, but if 3 days seems like 3 months.. I dont know how Im going to do it.
I thought about moving out there with my stuff, but I looked online and rental trucks for that distance are about 2k!!!!
I dont have that kind of money to just move! D:
I saved that money for years now..
That just ruins my whole plan. Sell my car, gather my stuff, transfer my job into Cali, and go. (not much of a plan, but hey, I was desperate.)
With the money I got from my car, I could just buy another one there, much better than putting 2.4k miles on it.
Taking a plane or bus.. but I STILL have the problem of my STUFF!
Its not much, but it would be enough to live comfortably to start with.
Plus I have a kitty that MUST be with me.


Guess Im done ranting.. if anyone reads this and has advice, please tell me. Just about anything would help, coz Im running on thoughts of wanting to be with her so bad that I do stupid things. Im thinking irrationally right now.